


crossed my heart

by fauu_stine



Series: social media AUs [5]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Sexual Tension, Social Media AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 197
Words: 31,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauu_stine/pseuds/fauu_stine
Summary: During his first year, Isak transfers to Bakka to get away from devastating rumors. There, he unexpectedly befriends the "balloon squad". The only one he can't seem to get along with is Even - who openly dislikes him.OR: a rivals/enemies to lovers AU
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Series: social media AUs [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919482
Comments: 80
Kudos: 274





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm back :)
> 
> As usual, my social media AUs are basically lots of groupchats conversations, some Instagram/Twitter content, and of course a bunch of written parts. This one is completed but be patient with me, since ao3 doesn't allow me to upload pictures directly from my computer, it's a bit of a handy work to get everything in order. I should be able to update a few times every day.
> 
> This is my 5th AU, that I wrote a couple of months ago. It's my longest (and most complicate) work so far, around 200 updates, so I think it will take longer than usual to repost it.
> 
> For the record, this AU is canon divergent: all the events of S1 happened, except for the last episode. What happened instead... you're going to find out as the story goes. The updates are set at the beginning of February 2016, so Isak is still in his 1rst year, Even and his friends are in their last year of high school.
> 
> 08/12/2020: I won't start reposting this AU just yet because I'm currently writing a new one (I'm about to publish it too, check out my social media AUs Series). Bookmark or Subscribe if you want though, I will do it eventually. For now, I will leave you with the introduction social media accounts, with more details than what you're used to with me, but for reasons. Keep an eye on the dates too, the posts are prior to when the story will start and it matters ;)
> 
> 19/12/20: alright! I decided to start posting this AU. Like I said, it's quite long, but I'll try my best to make it quick.
> 
> Enjoy (I hope). ❤️


	2. Chapter 2




	3. Chapter 3




	4. Chapter 4




	5. Chapter 5




	6. Chapter 6




	7. Chapter 7




	8. Chapter 8




	9. Chapter 9




	10. Chapter 10

Even is in a terrible mood. Not the _I feel hollow and empty and I can't get out of bed_ kind of mood, which Sonja would say is a major improvement compared to the past week, but still in an annoying, buzzkill mindset. He just doesn't understand why his best friend has been avoiding him for weeks! Or, actually, no, it isn't even remotely right. He thinks he knows _why_. But he can't stand the thought of it, so he keeps fooling himself into vain attempts at reconnecting with him. 

It certainly doesn't help either that Mikael has seemingly grown even closer to Isak, the first year newbie that the boys love to treat like their own little brother. Which… would be fine, really, if only Even wasn't losing his best friend to someone they didn't even know over a month ago for no acceptable reason. It's seriously starting to drive him crazy. It isn't _fair_.

And of course, it's his damn luck that, as he's leaving Bakka on Friday with no plans whatsoever since Mikael is too busy to spare him some of his time, he ends up face to face with Isak Valtersen. He can't even pretend not to see him (and God knows he always sees him, but that's another issue), because Isak is standing right in front of him, and looks up from his phone when he hears footsteps. He's smiling at first, but as soon as he notices it's Even, his grin falls. 

_Great_. Just what Even needed to be cheered up tonight.

"Oh. Hey, Even," Isak says with a small voice. He sounds as uncomfortable as he looks to see him.

"Hm. Hi."

"Are you waiting for Sonja?"

"No. Just heading home."

"Oh, me too. I mean, I'm going home, too."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

"What are you still doing here?" Even asks, curious to understand why Isak is dawdling in front of Bakka if he's supposed to head home, right at the same time that Isak speaks again, too, "so you're feeling better?"

Then they both stammer, words blending into ridiculous and useless excuses. It's so awkward, and the worst thing is, it didn't use to be that uncomfortable between them. Not that they've been on good, friendly terms long enough to develop any kind of habits together, but they've still seen better days. 

They had a good start together, to begin with.

It was Isak's first day at Bakka and the boy looked like he was desperately searching for a quiet place to hide. Even was smoking a joint at his usual spot - behind the cafeteria's dumpsters, not the place that smelled the best, but the chances of getting caught smoking by a teacher or supervisor were slim, which made it the perfect spot. He never came alone, he usually shared his weed with at least one of the boys - most often than not, Mikael - but today he felt a bit down. He had hardly heard from Mikael all Christmas break, so he had high hopes for today, as they all went back to school. But Mikael had barely spoken to him, and didn't look at him once.

Something wasn't right.

That's when Isak showed up to his spot with his lost puppy eyes and his shy, angelic face. He didn't expect to see anyone, clearly, and he froze in front of Even. So they stared at each other for far too long, waiting for the other to speak first, until it got so ridiculous that they both ended up giggling at the silliness of the situation.

"I'm sorry," Isak said once they managed to catch their breath and calm down. "I didn't mean to… I mean, I was just looking for… I needed a break, I guess?"

Even grinned at him, endeared by how adorable this mysterious, shy boy was. "You're new, right?"

"How do you know?"

"I would have remembered your face."

Isak's face turned slightly red in embarrassment. "There are a lot of people in this school though. Maybe you just didn't notice me before."

Even snorted. "Not possible," he whispered, then took a good look at him. "First year?"

"Yes. Just transferred," Isak admitted.

Even nodded, then remembered the joint between his fingers. He smiled at Isak and offered it to him. "Welcome to Bakka?" It made Isak laugh softly. They shared it together. And since it didn't seem like Isak knew anyone here, Even invited him to join the boys and him for lunch. They all loved him instantly, not even caring that he was two years younger than them.

After that, Isak never left their table. Or their group, for that matter.

But then… Then Isak started acting weird around him, almost avoiding him, while he kept getting closer and closer to Mikael. Even didn't get it. He didn't know what he did wrong - first with Mikael, and now with Isak. It kept him awake at night.

"Oh, hey, Even."

Mikael's voice suddenly pulls him out of his thoughts. Immediately, something catches Even's attention: the gym bag Mikael has been walking around with all day long. Only now does Even remember that Mikael doesn't have PE on Fridays. He knows his schedule by heart, how did he not notice earlier!

It all makes sense when Isak asks Mikael, looking all embarrassed as he tries not to meet Even's eyes, "so… ready?"

It has the same effect as a bucket of ice poured over his head. This is why Mikael couldn't hang out with him tonight: he's sleeping at Isak's place. They aren't just good buddies now: they are literally having sleepovers.

Maybe it shouldn't upset Even as much as it does, they aren't 7 years old anymore, but it does. Because he doesn't understand why he keeps being pushed away by his best friend, why he always seems to come after a new kid _he_ brought into their group only a month ago.

"Yeah. Let's go," Mikael nods, then glances at Even so quickly he doubts it even happened. "Have a good week-end, see you on Monday," he says, as if he's speaking to one of their teachers. 

Then he waves at him awkwardly, throws an arm around Isak's shoulders and walks away, leaving Even all alone with his thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11




	12. Chapter 12




	13. Chapter 13




	14. Chapter 14




	15. Chapter 15




	16. Chapter 16

It's late but Isak doesn't know how late, doesn't really care to be honest. What matters is that his mom has been sleeping for hours now, barely woke up long enough to acknowledge Isak bringing her dinner - not pizza, something Mikael's mother cooked, because she's just as much an angel as her son and she's been pampering him since the first night he spent at Mikael's - but at least she's calm.

The bedroom smells of the pizzas they ate while watching three - no, maybe four - Black Mirror's episodes and the empty, greasy boxes lie forgotten on the floor next to Isak's bed. They are both silent, sleepy, but not the least interested in sleeping just yet. Although, as Mikael, who's lying on his side beside him, keeps brushing Isak's curls, sleep might sneak in on him whether he wants it or not. It's relaxing, soothing. And everytime Mikael's hand falters, Isak leans a bit more into the touch, asking for more. It makes his friend chuckle at his neediness, but he does it all over again every time, while Isak lets himself enjoy it without drowning in neither shame nor guilt.

It's something he has noticed right from the start and slowly learnt to accept for himself: Mikael, but not only, pretty much all the boys of their group, are very tactile. And for them, it's nothing but normal. They exchange affectionate touches, hug, hold hands sometimes, call each other pet names no matter who's listening around them; and it doesn't mean anything more than them being friends. It's not  _ girly _ . It's not  _ gay _ . It's not all the things Isak has learnt and then thought himself, or sometimes even named, so he would fit in, so he wouldn't be called just  _ that _ in return, although, it has failed quite miserably in the end… 

It's relaxing, not to question or overthink everything he does because of someone potentially calling him slurs if he didn't act manly enough. And it's something Isak discovered that he loved - having someone he trusts being kind to him, being gentle with him, the way the boys are with him, and especially Mikael. He liked the way Mikael always cuddled against him when they watched movies. He liked how often Mikael touched his hair, because apparently he was obsessed with his curls. He liked that it could blend into habits without having to justify what it means - to him, or to Mikael.

Time stretches, Isak's mind wanders. He thinks of his father, who left in December, came back when his son's world crashed and burnt, but might soon leave again, Isak has a feeling about it - it won't last, he left them once, he will do it again eventually. 

The thought is too scary for him to linger on, so he quickly brushes it off. Soon, he's seeing Even's face, not for the first time and probably not for the last, except he looks sad and confused, the way he did when he realized where Mikael was spending the night. They haven't talked about it yet, Mikael and him, but it's bound to come up, so it may as well be now.

"So… Even," Isak says softly, so his voice doesn't intrude on the silence of the room. "Earlier it was… Awkward, right?"

It's nothing new, his question is mostly rhetorical. But lately Mikael has been more quiet than usual when it comes to Even, and Isak feels the consuming need to ask, to know where he's standing with him. For his friend's sake, of course.

Mikael sighs and pulls back his hand, much to Isak's regret, before rolling around to lie on his front and bury his face into one of Isak's pillows - the blue one, his favorite.

"I don't know," he mumbles, his words barely audible muffled into the fabric. Isak shifts on his side and this time he's the one running his fingers into his friend's hair. Mikael turns his head just enough so Isak can see his face again, and hear him with more clarity. "I'm still feeling… Weird, around him," he admits.

Isak doesn't know what to think of the answer, so he settles for, "I guess it's normal."

Mikael shrugs and sighs again. "I don't know what to do anymore," he whispers, partly to himself, partly to Isak. He looks lost in thoughts for a while, before he looks up at Isak, eyes studying him carefully, and he brings his hand to the boy's face again, following the curve of his eyebrow with the tip of his index finger. He does it a few times, until Isak's eyelids flutter close and he feels like falling asleep again. But then Mikael withdraws his hand and he speaks again, "what should I do? Do you have… any advice? How am I supposed to make it all go away?"

If Isak knew the answer to this question, he probably wouldn't even be here with Mikael. But he doesn't have the solution, never did, and he has no idea how to help his friend feel better. He can't even lie about it going away with time, because as far as he knows, as far as he  _ feels _ himself, when everything else left, the guilt and the shame remained. They became like a part of him, some undesirable but regular companions of his.

"I don't even know," Isak ends up saying, feeling useless, but at the very least, somewhat honest. It's still an improvement.

Mikael doesn't take offense, kind and patient as he is. Instead he chuckles and says, "I guess the advice is, don't crush on your own fucking best friend because it always gets messy."

"Or don't be gay." Isak freezes as soon as the words get out of his mouth. He can't believe he said it out loud. "Not that- I mean, I'm not… And it doesn't mean- Oh,  _ for fuck's sake _ ."

Mikael leans and cuts him off with a firm hand on his mouth. "Gotcha. Now stop freaking out, you make me nervous." Isak huffs, moves to break free, licks and bites playfully at his friend's hand. "Dick," Mikael laughs but finally retrieves his hand. As payback, he pushes Isak on his front and then he pillows his head on his shoulder blade. 

"You can't see it right now but I'm rolling my eyes at you," Isak feels the need to point out, biting back a laugh. They are ridiculous.

"Good." Silence. Then, "it's going to be okay, right?"

Isak doesn't know the answer to this question either - it seems to be a pattern. But he's sick of disappointing his friends so he decides to forget honesty for a while. "It's going to be okay. It's only temporary."

If only that were true.


	17. Chapter 17




	18. Chapter 18




	19. Chapter 19




	20. Chapter 20




	21. Chapter 21




	22. Chapter 22




	23. Chapter 23

A year ago, the morning of his birthday, Even got savagely woken up by an excited Mikael, who showed up at his place way too early, jumping on top of him in his bed, straddling his sleeping body while bawling "happy birthday" at the top of his lungs and laughing out loud like a kid. Even didn't mind. When it came from Mikael, he never did. Even also remembers, how Mikael brought breakfast and then convinced him to skip high school so they would spend the day together. Then, Mikael joined him for the traditional family dinner celebration. Sonja wasn't very happy about it, Even could see it, but it was his birthday, so she kept it to herself. And later at night, they met the rest of the boys and some of their friends to celebrate. It's been one of Even's favorite birthdays, if not his absolute favorite.

So, naively, Even woke up in the morning hoping for Mikael to show up the same way he did a year ago. But it never happened. All Even found was Sonja lying next to him, which should have been enough - but it didn't feel like it.

It put him in a terrible mood right from the start. Mikael's and Isak's Instagram posts during the day didn't help either. 

Then came the night. Even's birthday party was great, at least for a while. The boys showed up with a birthday cake, baked by Yousef and decorated by Adam - with pansexual flags, dicks and what Even guesses was meant to be vaginas, all over it. They ate piled up in the kitchen before the first guests arrived and the party started. Then Elias made everyone sing "Happy Birthday", shortly followed by an awkward but hilarious revisited version of "Happy Birthday Mr. President" performed by Mutta. 

Always in the background, Isak followed without a word, keeping a low profile as usual. Sometimes, Even felt guilty that his resentment was so obvious that Isak felt obliged to stay away. But the thought rarely lingered, because then Even got reminded of how withdrawn Mikael was with him. How he didn't run to squeeze him into his arms the way all the boys did, or the way he did last year for his birthday. Even also saw how, on the other hand, Mikael didn't have a problem hugging Isak - always Isak, but not Even, not anymore. In such circumstances, his resentment always ended up winning over his rationality.

Which explains why, as great as the party was for a while, he still couldn't get rid of his disappointment and his frustration. So he broke the promise he has made to Sonja.

He felt like a teenager all over again, spending most of his time hiding in the kitchen or in the bathroom to drink and smoke in peace everytime Sonja left him to talk with her friends. But it only lasted a couple of hours before he got too drunk and too high to care. Soon he was walking around the apartment with a joint in his right hand and a glass of some weird mixture Elias poured for him in his left. Sonja glared at him but didn't make a scandal, so at least he was good for the night.

It turned out, maybe Sonja making a public scandal would have been better than what happened next.

Even opens a new beer, which he considers to be a slowdown compared to the hard liquor he has been drinking so far, and leaves the kitchen. Back in the living-room, he immediately spots Mikael kissing Isak on the cheek before leaving the room in the direction of the bathroom. Isak remains alone, rolling his eyes at Mik's sweet gesture but smiling wide nonetheless. The boys are standing not so far from him, seemingly busy making fun of Elias who, in a corner of the room, has been sweet-talking Anita for the past hour. 

Even doesn't know what comes over him, but the whole scene makes me angry. He's sick of Isak's cute lost puppy look, of his innocent act, when all he's ever done since he came to Bakka and Even made the mistake of inviting into his group, is to ruin his life. So without thinking twice about it, he makes a beeline for Isak.

"Hey," he greets him and fakes a smile. "Having fun?"

Isak looks up at him with wide eyes, probably very taken aback by Even speaking to him without being forced to. "Hm, yes, sure. Are you? It's your birthday after all."

"Sure, I'm having lots of fun!" He blurts out with his very drunk voice and a very sarcastic tone he didn't mean to use, but, well, apparently in his state he can't lie properly. Isak winces but doesn't comment. "By the way, Isak!" He resumes speaking, too loud, so loud that he can feel the eyes on their friends staring at the both of them. But Even doesn't blame them: Isak and him having a conversation must be a curiosity in itself. "You know you could have invited friends of yours, too, you know? I don't mind."

Isak's face falls instantly at his words. No one, besides maybe Mikael, knows why Isak transferred: his brief explanations didn't explain much. And he never mentioned any other friends, so Even came to the conclusion he had none. That's probably why he's been stealing Even's instead.

"It's- it's fine. Maybe another time," Isak stutters, clearly uncomfortable.

"Another time, really?" Even asks, reading the obvious lie on him. He takes another large sip of beer. "Wait, where were you before coming to Bakka? Is it… Wait, was it Nissen? It is, right? I hope you don't miss your friends too much. Them, they must be missing you."

In a second, Isak's features shift from uneasy to scared and hurt, almost heartbroken. He's standing in front of Even, frozen, except for his eyes looking everywhere around them for a way out, as if he's planning to run away at any second. Instead, someone comes to save him.

Mikael. "Isak? Are you okay?" He asks, worried. 

It pisses Even off even more, so he adds, "do you even have friends, Isak?"

Even's words come out too quickly, too easily in the pathetic state he is in, but he regrets them as soon as it's in the open. Guilt is gripping at his heart and at his throat already, but it's too late though; the harm is done. Isak's eyes get blurry, looking at Even straight in the eye one last time, like to show him, to tell him  _ look at what you did _ , before he storms out of the apartment. 

Mikael calls and runs after him.

"Even, what the fuck was that?" Adam says. He sounds mad.

"Bro, that was harsh," Mutta adds, more carefully.

Even doesn't dare look at anyone but Yousef, and when he does, he wishes he didn't. Because Yousef looks as disappointed in him as Even feels about himself. Why did he have to act like such a prick? Why is he behaving like a jealous asshole? Isak didn't do anything to him. It's all in his head. 

No wonder Mikael hates him.


	24. Chapter 24




	25. Chapter 25




	26. Chapter 26




	27. Chapter 27




	28. Chapter 28




	29. Chapter 29




	30. Chapter 30




	31. Chapter 31




	32. Chapter 32




	33. Chapter 33




	34. Chapter 34




	35. Chapter 35




	36. Chapter 36




	37. Chapter 37

The Bakkoush's house is a happy mess of loud teenage boys talking cheerfully at each other, all of them spread on the couch, on an old worn out chair, and even on the living-room carpet, with smells of hot mint tea and sweet Moroccan pastries. 

Although Isak has been around them for almost two months now, he hasn't been to Elias' house very often, which don't seem to be the case for all the others, judging by the way they run everywhere in the place like they belong there, too. It's a funny and entertaining sight, and Isak almost forgets Even's presence. Almost. But as mad as he is at him, he knows he can't openly hold grudges against him, because Even is right about at least one thing: they were all his friends first. Isak shouldn't be messing with their friendships - and has no desire to do so anyway.

So he ignores Even, who's been sitting as far away as possible from him, sharing the couch with Elias, Mutta and Yousef. Adam has taken over Elias' father's armchair, acting like a King, and leaning over the armrest to wreak havoc in Mikael's hair. Meanwhile, Mikael and him have scattered pillows everywhere on the carpet to arrange themselves a comfortable space, after Mikael got kicked out of the couch by Elias. Mutta's glances almost look envious, as if the prospect of sitting on dozens of pillows seem more appealing to him than his spot on the couch. Mikael noticed, which is why he's been making a whole show of it, rolling around on the pillows like a happy cat, and at this point, Isak is pretty sure he's this close to request a pillow fort activity.

It turns out to be a nice, relaxing afternoon, and Isak is glad he came despite the growing, awkward tension between, not only Mikael and Even, but Even and him, too. For a few hours, it doesn't feel like such a big deal anymore, and he's glad it isn't ruining - yet - the good vibe of the group.

Except, nothing lasts forever when it comes to his life, isn't it? So it shouldn't be such a surprise that, on his way back from a bathroom break, he runs into a familiar figure. For real. Not expecting anyone in the hallway, he walks straight into Sana. From Nissen.

"What the hell?!" Sana yells, or maybe it's him, or the both of them. Then she proceeds to throw a death stare at him that he won't forget about anytime soon. 

"Fuck, sorry, I didn't see you, sorry," he rambles like an idiot, but he really can't think straight when he's having a mental breakdown right in the middle of Elias Bakkoush's hallway. 

Sana. Sana Bakkoush. Of fucking course, how did he not connect the dots sooner?!

"Yeah, obviously," she rolls her eyes at him, and not in a nice way, not the way he does when Mikael is making lame, dorky jokes. But why would she, after all? She has every reason not to like him, running into her or not. "What are you doing in my house?"

"Hm… I'm with Elias."

She frowns, studying him carefully for a while. Then she huffs, and Isak assumes it means she now knows where Isak met his brother. She knows where Isak's been hiding like a coward. Meaning she has the power to ruin his life again if she wants to, to make sure all his demons, everything he's been running away from - both the rumors and the truth -, that they could find him and finish the work once and for all.

"Listen, I don't want any-"

"What you want, Valtersen, is none of my concerns," Sana cuts him off immediately. "If there is one thing I don't like, it's when someone fucks over their friends, got it?!"

No words come out of Isak's mouth, it stays stuck in his throat.  _ Fuck _ . 

Chances are, she's going to use the power she has and not think twice about it.

Because he deserves it for what he did.

"Walk away, Valtersen," she adds, motionning for him to move out of her way. And Isak does, still incapable of talking. It's a miracle on his own that he's still able to use his legs. Because the rest of his body? His heart: stopped beating. His brain: melting slowly from the rising panic growing inside of him.

Isak watches Sana walking away and disappearing around the corner, and he's left with nothing but one terrifying truth: he's fucked.


	38. Chapter 38




	39. Chapter 39




	40. Chapter 40




	41. Chapter 41




	42. Chapter 42




	43. Chapter 43




	44. Chapter 44




	45. Chapter 45




	46. Chapter 46




	47. Chapter 47

The party isn't half as chaotic as Even feared it to be. On the contrary.

Early on, they manage to steal an old sticky folding table to play beer pong on, most of the drinks being not-beers - Even is determined to follow his good resolutions tonight. For a while, it's almost like everything's normal. When Even throws the ball and it rolls on the edge of the plastic cup before falling on the wrong side, Mikael seems to forget they are not on speaking terms and smirks at him in challenge. When Isak claims he's the master at this game but shortly after fails every single time, all the boys tease him, including Even, who, in all honesty, isn't doing much better, and so Isak huffs and rolls his eyes at them - at him, too, when their eyes meet for a short second. 

Eventually, Anita drags Elias away from them and Mikael takes pity on Isak's inaptitude and calls the game off. The group scatters across the house. Even runs into people from his movie class and they quickly strike a debate over David Fincher's overrated or not movies, making Adam groan and bail while Yousef and Mutta patiently tag along, having spent enough hours watching movies with him to be able to actively participate into the conversation. Isak makes one comment, "I thought Fight Club was pretty cool", before yawning and asking for a refill, so Mikael, Adam and him disappear together.

Hours fly without Even noticing. The next time he sees Isak, he's standing alone near a bowl of chips, a beer in hand, no other boys are anywhere in sight.  _ Whatever _ , he thinks, although he wonders if he should make the first move and try to talk to him in a casual, civil way.

Before he can make any kind of decisions though, he sees Isak's face turn from slight boredom to something akin to… Shock? Followed by panic? Isak drops his beer, making a mess of his jeans, but he doesn't even seem to care too much, too focused on whatever is making him freak out completely.

Intrigued, Even tries to follow Isak's gaze across the room, until his eyes fall on two strangers he has never seen at Bakka: a skater-looking guy with dark curls and thick eyebrows, shortly followed by a tall, pretty girl with a tight ponytail. It looks like they just arrived, and it doesn't seem like they've noticed Isak. But Even is positive they can be the only reason Isak is… currently running away from?

Yes, that's right. And right when Isak disappears into the kitchen, Even sees from the corner of his eyes that the two newcomers are walking in the same direction. The guy is holding a pack of beers in his hand and is probably looking for a place to drop it, and said place is unfortunately the same room Isak has picked to hide. 

Without thinking twice about it, Even makes a beeline for the kitchen, getting there before they do, but, in the precipitation, collides with Isak head-on.

"What the fuck," Isak yelps with wide eyes.

Even knows there is no time to waste tough, whoever Isak is running away from are seconds away from walking into the kitchen, so he grabs Isak by the wrist and pulls him into the nearest room, which turns out to be a tiny closet - because,  _ of course _ , it had to be a place where they have no other choice but share the same personal space.

"What are you doing?!" Isak asks loudly, backing away from Even but immediately stumbling on something and losing his balance.

Thankfully, Even still has more reflex than Isak seems to have so he holds him back, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him back firmly against him, while his other arm flies to catch… a broom? Before it falls on the ground and probably draws attention on the closet. The music isn't loud enough to travel to the kitchen and cover the mess they would have made if the broom  _ and  _ Isak would have fallen.

"Shut up, I'm trying to help you," Even hushes him. Isak scoffs out of pettiness but frowns in confusion. "The people you are running away from are in the kitchen, smart ass," he clarifies with a sigh.

"What?! How do you know that I… I mean..." Isak whispers, now looking more embarrassed than scared.

"I've got eyes," Even can't help but retort. Isak opens and closes his mouth a few times without actually adding anything - he's completely out of it. "Who… Who are they?"

And with this simple - and valid, considering Even saved his ass - question, Isak's face closes off, and he looks down at his shoes, or more like, tries to, considering they are still face to face, Even's arm holding him and his hand resting on his hip. That's when Isak seems to notice their proximity for the first time, and he blushes.

It doesn't, not even a little bit, take Even's breath away and make him feel weird things in his stomach. Butterflies don't fly inside his belly, it's not a thing.

"So, uh… Didn't think I would be back in the closet so soon," Even tries to joke, then cringes at his own words. Why is he being so nervous and awkward?!

To his surprise, Isak chokes out a strangled laugh, looking up at Even under his fluttering eyelashes for a moment (go away, fake butterflies!), before he remembers the danger on the other side of the door.

"Do you think they left?" He asks softly.

They are so close that Isak's curls are brushing Even's jaw. He can almost feel his breath on his face and Even, well… he can barely catch his own breath. The whole thing is taking a very unexpected turn and he needs to get away from this closet, from Isak's intoxicating presence.

"I don't know, but we can't stay here forever," Even points out. Or could they?

_ No _ . It's a bad idea. They would kill each other.

"Well, whose idea was it to hide here in the first place," Isak says, proving his point.

"You're welcome, asshole," Even huffs and he swears he sees Isak bite back a smile. He really needs to get some space between Isak and him. "Okay, I will come out first." Another smile from Isak. More not-butterflies. Why is it so hot in this goddamn closet anyway?! "I will tell you if it's safe but they should be gone by now. Then you turn left and leave by the garden." 

Isak nods. His serious, worried face is back as he watches Even opening the door carefully. The kitchen isn't empty but those are only people from Bakka who will, hopefully, think they were smoking in the closet and not… other things. But no mysterious strangers.

"Okay, you can go," Even whispers.

"Can you let me go, then?" Isak asks, and that's only then that Even realizes he still has an arm wrapped around Isak's body. 

"Fuck, sorry," he mumbles and quickly steps away, finally getting out of the closet. Isak stares at him, looking like he's about to say something else to him but Even can't take it anymore. Surely Isak can find his way out without him.

"I gotta go," Even says, and then, it's his turn to run away. 


	48. Chapter 48




	49. Chapter 49




	50. Chapter 50




	51. Chapter 51




	52. Chapter 52




	53. Chapter 53

Sana Bakkoush shows up at his house at 8 in the morning, announcing her arrival with a dozen of messages threatening Isak of breaking his two legs if he doesn't open the door to her in the next sixty seconds.

Needless to say, Isak is out of his bedroom, running downstairs and opening the front door still in his pyjamas way within the deadline. Half-asleep, confused and a little scared, but on time.

"Good morning, Isak," Sana says in the most casual way, like it's not weird or alarming of her to show up at his house early in the morning, on a Saturday, and for no apparent reasons.

Or, well… No other reasons except his hungover brother currently snoring in Isak's bed.

_ Shit. _

"Huh, good morning, Sana. To what do I owe the pleasure of-"

"You're looking good, all things considered," she cuts him off immediately, her voice calm but his face unimpressed.

"What?" Isak mumbles, taken aback. Did Sana come all the way here to… compliment him on his looks? No way. 

"I mean, for someone who drank so much he needed my brother to take care of him, you seem to be in pretty good shape this early," she adds, raising an eyebrow at him that screams,  _ try and lie to me again and you will see. _

"Oh, well… I mean…"

"Elias was shitfaced last night, not you, and you took him back to your place because he was too useless to go home, am I right? And you decided to lie to cover him."

_ Fuck _ . Isak has heard of Sana's so-called psychic superpowers before but he had no idea it was a real thing. But… It can't be a real thing, though, right? 

Since there is no point in lying any longer, Isak sighs and asks tentatively, "how- how did you… figure it out?"

"The message you sent me," she clarifies, "pretending to be my brother…"  _ Oh _ . Isak forgot about that. "Seriously, did you even try? How did you think it sounded like my brother? Have you ever met him? It was  _ painfully  _ terrible. 'Hi little sister'? 'Good night xx?' What's wrong with  _ you _ ?!" She straight up mocks him and Isak can't even blame her. Now that he's remembering the message, he realizes how terrible it, indeed, was, and even less realistic.

"Fuck," he mutters in defeat. So much for protecting Elias. "Are you going to tell your parents?"

Sana huffs, looking slightly mad for a moment. "I'm not a rat, that's your speciality, Valtersen." It hurts, but she isn't wrong. "I'm here to take my stupid brother home before my parents get too suspicious."

"Oh, sure. He's upstairs, I will… lead you to him," Isak offers, wincing as he's already picturing Elias getting reprimanded by his own little sister. He steps on the side to finally let Sana in. "Just, don't yell at him."

"Excuse me?!" She takes offense; knowing her, not appreciating being told what to do or not do.

"My mom is still sleeping and she needs rest," he hears himself say, and he's a little surprised by his own words. Sana hates him, she doesn't need to know anything personal about him. 

She relaxes immediately at his explanation. "Of course," she nods, then climbs the stairs behind him.

"By the way, how did you find my address?" Isak asks in a whisper once they are standing in front of his bedroom's door.

Sana smirks at him. "I have my ways," she replies smugly, before gesturing for him to open the door. Isak gives Elias five more seconds of peace before letting his sister in. "Oh, and, thank you for taking care of this jackass," Sana adds as he's pushing the door open. "For lying for him, I guess."

Isak is so taken aback that he can't find his words. But it doesn't matter anyway, because Sana is already walking away from him, grabbing a pillow to hit his brother until he wakes up. 

Deep down, Isak can't help but savour the first thing he did right to Sana's eyes. Maybe he isn't doomed to be a shitty friend, after all?


	54. Chapter 54




	55. Chapter 55




	56. Chapter 56




	57. Chapter 57




	58. Chapter 58




	59. Chapter 59




	60. Chapter 60




	61. Chapter 61




	62. Chapter 62




	63. Chapter 63




	64. Chapter 64




	65. Chapter 65




	66. Chapter 66




	67. Chapter 67

When Isak shows up at the Bakkoush house, Elias is nowhere to be found. But Sana, on the other hand, is here to invite him in. And although their last interaction has been somewhat cordial, Isak still internally curses Elias for ditching him at the last minute. The last few days have been stressful enough as it is with his mother getting bad again, he didn't need another morale lecture from Sana.

To his surprise, though, Sana seems in a good mood. "This idiot didn't tell you he had to help my dad this afternoon, isn't it?" Sana asks with a smirk as she lets him in and leads him to the kitchen. He doesn't even know why he's following her instead of simply giving her Elias' wallet and then leaving. All he knows is that when Sana Bakkoush motions for you to follow her, you do as requested, no question asked. "But it's no surprise," she adds before he has time to make a fool of himself with a stuttering, useless answer, "he didn't remember he was supposed to help our father, so… He will be back in half an hour, though. You can wait for him."

With that, Sana climbs back on her seat at the kitchen's table where it seems like she was busy studying. For long seconds, Isak stares at her, at the kitchen around him, but doesn't make a move. Not until she looks up at him again, arches an eyebrow and says, "you can sit, you know?"

That's what stress is doing to him, alright?!

Carefully, as if he's fearing Sana will change her mind, he takes a seat across from her. They fall silent again, Sana focusing on her… Isak peeks at the book and figures out it must be Biology. Right, his favorite topic.

"Looking for something, Valtersen?" Sana's voice echoes into the kitchen again, making him jump in surprise.  _ Chill _ . He's not afraid of Sana, it's not a thing. He needs to chill.

"N-No. I was just…" And Isak doesn't know what comes over him, maybe he's losing his mind now, but his next words may be signing his death sentence. "If you need help with your homework, I'm very good at Biology."

Sana huffs, looking at him up and down in defiance. It's not angry or aggressive, it almost seems like she's holding back a smile at his boldness, and Isak kind of likes this side of her. "Excuse me?! Biology is  _ my  _ subject, I'm more than 'very good', I'm excellent. I don't need any help."

And the thing is, Isak has always loved a challenge, so he can't help but say," oh, really? I bet my grades are better than yours."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Maybe, but at least I'm not scared to prove it."

"You really want a bet?" She scoffs. "Fine. Whatever, if you're looking for humiliation so badly, we can do that…" Isak grins. She can't turn down a challenge either.

"But I need to know what you're studying," Isak points out.

"You mean you need to steal my notes?" 

Not gonna lie, Isak has felt a bit lost lately with the abrupt change of school and the slight program differences between Nissen and Bakka. Still, he won't admit it so blatantly. "No, we just can't compare our results if we don't have the same data, you know?"

He can tell Sana sees right through his bullshits, and yet, she nods and says, "alright. We will study with the same materials. We should study together. And at the end of the semester, the winner is the one with the highest grade. Works for you?"

Isak is weirdly okay with the conclusion. When Sana doesn't want to murder him, he actually loves spending time with her. So, "perfect. May the best of us win!"

Sana rolls her eyes at him before kicking him out the kitchen, right when Elias finally gets back home. She's smiling, though, and Isak takes it as a win. Deep down, she likes him.


	68. Chapter 68




	69. Chapter 69




	70. Chapter 70




	71. Chapter 71




	72. Chapter 72




	73. Chapter 73

Even is heading for his usual hiding spot when he bumps into Isak in the hallway. The boy looks stressed and tormented, and Even feels an instant pang of worry for him. It should be weird, but he doesn't question it, doesn't try to figure out why he suddenly cares so much about Isak; instead, he doesn't hesitate to stop Isak in the middle of the hallway, grabbing him by the sleeve of his coat. Isak seems startled as he looks up at him in surprise: he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Even.

"Oh, hi, sorry," Isak mumbles, his voice shaky. "Did you… Do you know where Mikael is?"

It reminds Even of what happened just an hour ago, of his new failed attempt at having a serious talk with Mikael. 

For once, he's not the only one running after Mikael.

"No, sorry, I have no idea," Even replies, and means it. With the way Isak looks, he would sacrifice his chance to have a proper discussion with Mikael without hesitation if only it could appease the boy.

Isak sighs and looks down, defeated. Even is almost tempted to offer him a hug - he wouldn't mind holding him into his arms until whatever is tormenting him disappears - but he's pretty sure it's not something Isak would be interested in.

Smoking, on the other hand...

"If you need to relax, I think I've got something to help," Even says, quickly showing him the rolled joint he was keeping inside his pocket.

Their eyes meet, and Even knows Isak is thinking about the same thing as him: the first time they met, running into each other by mistake, and then sharing a joint.

Finally, a small smile appears on Isak's face, and he nods at his proposition. "Okay."

Ten minutes later, they are sharing the joint behind the cafeteria's dumpsters, having a casual conversation for the first time in… Even can't even remember. They even end up making dumb jokes about Bakka's teachers, forgetting, at least for a little while, their trouble.

But it doesn't last long. Soon, Isak is checking his phone nervously, the effect of the weed not strong enough to distract him from whatever is making him so anxious and restless. Taking one last drag on the joint, Even gives it to Isak, waits for him to inhale, too, before taking a risk and asking;

"Is it… Is it about the other night, when Mikael was with you?" Isak winces, and his reaction is enough of an answer. Still, Even can't help but add, trying to make sense of everything that happened, "does it have something to do with the guy you were running away from at the party?"

And Isak has the most unexpected reaction: he chuckles. Only after glancing at him does Even realize, though, it's more of a bitter, humourless laugh than anything else. It makes him arch to reach out and hold Isak all over again.

"I wish he was my only problem," Isak says eventually, staring at an invisible point in the distance, mind wandering somewhere else again. Even wonders it has something to do with him transferring in the middle of the year, wonders what kind of struggle a sixteen year old boy can have. But then, if Even has learnt anything from the past few months, is that  _ a lot _ can happen to anyone, at any time, and at any age. 

Actually, Even has never related to Isak more. Him, too, wishes he had one single problem to deal with, instead of a conflicting relationship he doesn't know what to make of, a best friend who avoids him like the plague, a creeping mental illness specialists can't give a proper diagnosis on yet, decreasing grades because he can't focus on his studies anymore, and of course, a confusing fascination for the boy standing right next to him.

That's why Even ends up replying in a resigned sigh, "I know how you feel." 

But then, Isak snorts. "Don't get it wrong but you don't seem to be the kind of guy who has any problem." 

It hurts more than Even is willing to admit, especially coming from him, from someone he felt so much closer to barely seconds ago, for they seem to share the same kind of heavy weight on their young shoulders. But Isak doesn't see it that way - no one ever does. The whole school sees Even a certain way, believes his life and him are perfect, even when it's everything but true.

No one knows. And the thing is, as much as it frustrates him that everyone assumes he knows no struggle, he doesn't feel ready to prove them wrong. 

It would mean open his heart, show his flaws and weaknesses, looking unperfect and perhaps unreliable, and Even doesn't feel ready to shatter the glossy illusion of who he is.

Ultimately, he shrugs, just mutters, "you speak like Mikael now," and then, before Isak has time to question him on what he means, Even changes the subject again.


	74. Chapter 74




	75. Chapter 75




	76. Chapter 76




	77. Chapter 77




	78. Chapter 78




	79. Chapter 79




	80. Chapter 80




	81. Chapter 81




	82. Chapter 82




	83. Chapter 83




	84. Chapter 84

Sana is holding his Biology book between her hands, chin held high, looking way too serious and formal considering the circumstances. "Meiosis is a special type of cell division in sexually-reproducing organisms used to…"

But Isak isn't about to say anything; she would probably hit him with his own book, and that's not something he wants to experience. "To produce the gametes," he says confidently. 

His new biology partner raises an eyebrow at him. "And it's necessary to what?"

Isak pauses when he hears keys in the door lock followed by loud voices from a group of boys he knows very well. Sana clears her throat, summoning him to refocus. Isak obeys. "To… To change from diploid to haploid cells," he answers right before the group of boys stumble into the kitchen - Elias, Mutta, Yousef and Even - and Isak snorts when he realizes they are soaked to the bone, looking like drowned rats. 

"Oh, hello nerds!" Elias greets them teasingly, as if he isn't the one looking ridiculous in his wet clothes dripping on the floor.  _ Nerd _ . Isak makes sure not to look at Even, whose eyes are probably sharing the same thought. Sana glares at his brother but doesn't say a word to him, instead looks back at Isak and tells him, almost in regret, "okay. It's all good."

Isak smirks in victory. Of course it is; he knows his shit.

"Isak! I'm so cold! Gimme a hug!" Mutasim whines, running to him for said hug, but Isak steps back and points a finger at him. 

"Don't you dare touch me while you're all wet!" Mutta stops and pouts like a five years old.

"Dirty," Elias comments and Isak expects either Sana or Yousef to call him out, but none of them say anything, too busy… stealing glances at each other?!

Interesting. Isak grins and makes a mental note about it. He then proceeds to stare at Sana until she notices and drops his book on the table. In the background, Yousef shuffles on his feet awkwardly before leaving the kitchen, mumbling about getting a change of clothes. Isak makes the mistake of meeting Even's eyes, who winks - or tries to, considering Even can't wink for shit - at him and Isak bites the inside of his cheek to hold back a smile. 

"Anyway, we are done," Sana announces in her usual, impassive voice. But Isak knows her well enough now to know she's trying to hide something.

"Isak, are you staying for dinner?" Elias intervenes. 

It's tempting, especially considering it's raining outside, but he hasn't seen his mother in a week and he should probably check on her. It's the sensitive thing to do, right?

"Another time, I have to head back home. But thanks," he replies kindly then moves to pack his stuff and get ready to leave.

"Take the umbrella on your way," Sana tells him.

Isak smirks. "Aww, you care so much about my well-being!"

As retaliation, she pushes his Biology book against his chest so hard it takes his breath away for a second, then she counter-backs, "I'm just not interested in hearing you cry about being sick for a whole week, okay? Now, bye."

Isak snorts but doesn't push. Once everything's packed, he waves them goodbye. "Alright, Sana, boys, have a good night!" He does  _ not _ hold back his breath when he moves past Even on his way out of the kitchen.

But then, as he's walking in the doorway and grabbing the umbrella, he hears, "wait, I'm leaving too."

It's Even.

Isak freezes. He doesn't mind Even leaving with him, not in theory. But no one knows they are on...  _ friendly  _ terms right now; most important, Mikael doesn't, and so his intervention is more than suspicious.

The proof is, when he turns around, he immediately notices the puzzled look Elias, Mutta and even Sana have on their face.

But Even notices it too, thankfully, and he adds, "no way I'm stepping back under the rain again. I need that umbrella too. Share it."

Isak rolls his eyes for good measure, pretends he's pissed at the idea of Even's proximity next to him under the umbrella when in reality, it couldn't be more untrue. "Great."

Even smirks at him when no one can see, like maybe he knows what's on Isak's mind. 

"Don't kill each other on the way, please," Elias yells after them. 

At least for now they are safe.


	85. Chapter 85




	86. Chapter 86

Walking under an umbrella with Even turns out to be more complicated than Isak thought, especially when Even starts complaining about being half under the rain, and so use it as an excuse to slide an arm around Isak's back and firmly pressing their sides against one another. The gesture, the proximity, does  _ not  _ remind Isak of the night Even has basically held him into his arms while they were hiding in a closet. And it sure does  _ not _ make Isak's heart race, or make his breathing come out more unsteadily, or- 

Nothing. It's all casual and friendly, and they are bros, right?

They aren't.

Even is already watching him when he says in a low, almost-whispering voice, "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

Isak stops abruptly, and Even breaks into fits of laughter. "What? You don't remember? It's from Romeo and Juliet."

And, oh, of course it is. What else would it be?

They start walking again in the direction of the tram, Even grinning like a dork, Isak trying to hide his cheeks blushing from embarrassment - and nothing else, obviously. "You know quotes by heart, of course you do…"

"Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- it's everything except what it is!" Even claims loudly in the middle of the street, like he's suddenly become a theatre actor.

"Stop it," Isak groans. "I swear, if you don't, I will leave you under the rain."

"It would only make it more tragic, so I'm all for it," Even teases back, but when Isak tries to push him away and leave with the umbrella, Even's arm on him goes tighter, bringing their bodies back together. 

And all of sudden, all Isak can smell is Even's perfume and his menthol breath mixed with a hint of cigarette smoke. They are so close that Isak can feel drops of water falling from Even's hair onto his face, sliding slowly along his face.

And Isak thinks, for a delirious second, that if Even reaches out to touch him, puts his fingers on his cheek to catch the drop, he might just melt and flow to the ground like the falling rain.

But Even lets go, putting space again between them, and then resumes walking. It leaves Isak dazed and yet, somehow, eager for more.

"Do you know Baz Lurhmann?" Even asks all of a sudden, like he didn't just turn Isak's world upside down by simply looking at him, quoting love quotes at him, holding him too close to him. 

"Hm, who-" Then Isak remembers, miraculously. "Is it… You mentioned him before, right?"

"Yes," Even beams, looking far too happy. "He's my favorite movie director. I love how he portrays emotions in their full intensity."

"What do you mean?"

"When it's bad, he doesn't shy away from showing all the pain and all the sorrow people can experience. And when it's good, he shows us how joy and love can make us feel larger than life, you know?"

Isak isn't sure he knows, but he likes the way Even speaks about it, how it seems to make perfect sense to him, so he nods softly. Because he understands it means something to Even, and he respects that more than anything.

"And he's also made a movie based on Romeo and Juliet," Even adds, and Isak scoffs. 

"Of course he did! I bet he's the master at making tragic love stories!"

"Well… I can't argue with that. That's why he's a genius."

"You're so extra," Isak chuckles. 

He only now realizes they are waiting at the tram stop, and the rain starts to slow down. In a few minutes, they will have to part, and Isak regrets it. He wants to hear Even talk about what he loves, more and longer.

But Even knows, always does, and he's the one to suggest, "I feel like eating kebab, not you? Follow me?"

Isak knows he has other plans, that he's meant to go home and see his mom and make sure his father isn't being a jerk with her. There is also Mikael, and what Isak did in the past, and what he's been trying to forget for months, hoping it would finally disappear, even if it never did, never in years - so why would it be any different now?

But in that moment, he forgets everything. Everything but Even, with his blue eyes and his bright smile and his foolish tragic, love stories. 

So he says, "okay, sure. Let's go."


	87. Chapter 87




	88. Chapter 88




	89. Chapter 89




	90. Chapter 90




	91. Chapter 91




	92. Chapter 92




	93. Chapter 93




	94. Chapter 94




	95. Chapter 95




	96. Chapter 96




	97. Chapter 97




	98. Chapter 98

"Look, I'm sure we can work something out," Mikael repeats for the umpteenth time to the unimpressed school librarian. He has lost a book months ago, and the school library sent him dozens of emails about returning it back, or else. So today, Mikael decided to confess his mistake and… proceed to sweet talk the librarian into not giving him a fine.

Of course, he's failing miserably and he's just pissing her off even more.

Isak doesn't even understand how Mikael ended up in that situation in the first place. Surely he must know he's too chaotic not to lose school properties like books?

Well, apparently, he doesn't. So Isak has been walking in a circle in the library for twenty minutes, waiting for Mikael to give up - but he doesn't look like he's anywhere near ready to accept his punishment. 

Whatever. It's not like Isak has anything better to do, except thinking about Even and checking his phone far too often, waiting for a message from him, as if Isak isn't the one who started ghosting him without an explanation. Why would Even message him? He ruined everything.

But he had to, right? If Isak doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes, it was the only solution, no matter how much it makes him miss and long for Even anyway.

Isak tries, once again, to shake all these thoughts away. As he does, he wanders aimlessly into the library, looking at the books around him. When his eyes stop on a bunch of plays by Shakespeare, he can't believe how fate is messing with him right now. With a sigh, he turns around, ready to walk away and drags Mikael out of the library, but then he runs into someone else.

"Oh, fucking great,  _ you _ ," the person complains.  _ Sonja _ .

"Sorry," he stutters, looks up at her for a second before quickly averting his eyes, too ashamed and embarrassed to look at her in the eye. But for the split moment it happens, Isak can tell she's mad, for whatever reason. Which, according to Even, is a habit of her.

"Yeah, as if you're sorry," he hears her retort and it catches Isak off guard. Why does she sound  _ so  _ upset and angry at him? Does she know something? As far as she is supposed to know, she has no idea he's been kind of flirting with her boyfriend and, maybe, going on a date with him…

Isak forces himself to look up at her. "What?" 

"Don't play dumb," she huffs. "I bet you must be delighted."

Delighted? Isak has no idea what she's talking about. "I don't understand?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you? Even and I broke up. It's over. And I can imagine how happy all of you will be, his friends could never stand me. But you, even more." What?! Isak didn't know they had broken up! And he doesn't understand why him, specifically, would be happy about it? Even if, in all honesty, maybe Sonja is right: now that he knows they aren't together anymore, Isak can't help but feel happy about it. It's not fair, and it's wrong, but this is what he feels. "Don't look so clueless! As if you don't know he did it for  _ you _ ," she snaps in a half-whisper.

Then Sonja throws him one last angry look before walking away, convinced she didn't just drop the biggest news to Isak. Even did it for  _ him _ ?! 

Does it mean that Even... likes him?


	99. Chapter 99




	100. Chapter 100




	101. Chapter 101




	102. Chapter 102




	103. Chapter 103

There are things in life we grow to love to such an extent that they become like a part of us. Romeo + Juliet, this movie, is one of those things for Even. And so, showing it to Isak tonight, really, it's like stripping his soul bare for him, to let him see intimate parts of him he wouldn't share with just anybody, for him to judge them, to judge  _ him _ . It's a vulnerable thing to do, but as he watches Isak's face from the corner of the eye, tracks his expressions, he comes to the conclusion that it was a risk worth taking.

Isak shades a tear during Romeo and Juliet first kiss, taking Even completely off guard - Even gets it, of course he does, it's a beautiful scene, he just never met someone who felt the same way than he did, who felt so much his whole body would have no choice but to tear for it. But it's nothing compared to the sight of Isak Isak weeping in silence at the inevitable conclusion of the movie: Romeo's and Juliet's tragic demise. 

There is so much sensibility inside this boy, Even feels moved from it. It makes him wonder how he could have ever believed himself capable of hating him. It's only ever been frustration, growing from the confusion of feeling that Isak and him were sharing something ever since they met, a kind of familiarity and complicity, but which was swept away when Isak inexplicably took his distance from him. Even knew it had something to do with Mikael, who, at the same time, became Isak's close friend. Jealousy got the best of him for a while - jealousy against Isak as well as Mikael, actually. 

But now, Even could see things more clearly. He could see the layers inside Isak's: the pain, the secrets, the fear, the shame, and maybe, a desire to break free from whatever is holding him back. And if Isak is willing to let him, Even is ready to help him.

"Don't cry," Even whispers in the darkness of his bedroom. They watched the movie on the couch under his bunk bed, too much space separating them from one another, but at the distance allowed Even to watch Isak's profile, more than the actual movie playing on his computer. "Now they are together for eternity."

"I'm not crying," Isak retorts, rubbing a shaking hand on his face, only for more tears to slide away from his eyes. "And don't say stuff like that, it's not true."

"You don't think they are together for eternity?"

"No. They would have been if they had stayed alive, instead of…" Isak trails off, tries to hide his face from Even, but Even won't let him. He's beautiful no matter what, and there is no shame in  _ feeling _ . It only makes Isak all the more lovely to him.

"Maybe," Even gives in, mostly to appease him. Then he dares to bring a careful hand towards Isak, and when the boy doesn't pull back, he touches his face with the tip of his fingers and cups his cheek, chases tears with his thumb, wiping them away gently. The angle is weird but Isak leans into his touch, turning his head towards him.

Instantly, Even's gaze falls on Isak's mouth, on the Cupid' bow shape of his upper lip, on the pout of his lower lip. He realizes his whole body is craving to get closer, to feel the warmth of Isak's, and most of all, to have a taste of Isak's lips - something he's been curious about for longer than he's willing to admit just yet.

With the movie's credits playing in the background, Even whispers, mostly to himself, but deep down, a bit for Isak, too, "Thus with a kiss I die." 

Isak doesn't call him out on it, not this time. Instead, Even sees him licking his lips slowly, notices the slight shift of his chin, like he's inviting him, as well as the silent question in his green eyes looking back at him expectantly, and so, right then and there, Even makes a decision. He's done waiting for explanations, for people to come to him first. 

"Isak?" 

"Yes?" 

Even doesn't add anything else. Instead, he leans and seals their lips together into a bruising kiss. 

And Isak kisses him back, just as hungrily, just as into it- into him. Like maybe he's been craving for it for as long as Even did. And by the way he's clinging to Even, the way he's turning soft and pliant under Even's touch, Even thinks he might be onto something.


	104. Chapter 104




	105. Chapter 105




	106. Chapter 106




	107. Chapter 107




	108. Chapter 108




	109. Chapter 109




	110. Chapter 110




	111. Chapter 111




	112. Chapter 112

It takes Isak some time to realize Mikael is acting weird around him.

At first, he thought he was just being paranoid. After all, Isak was the one hiding things from him, lying about the nights he was supposed to spend at home when he was actually busy making out with Even. Isak felt so guilty about it that he thought, maybe he was just projecting his own paranoia. 

But after tonight, he thinks he has valid reasons to be worried.

They are both lying on their back on Mikael's bed, Isak sleeping yet again at his friend's place, even though being there when he's basically stabbing Mikael in the back everytime he gets a message from Even, or even has a fleeting thought about him, feels more and more inadequate. Sadly, it's not enough for Isak to be brave and break the news to Mikael. Because he's a coward, right? It's the whole reason he ended up at Bakka in the first place.

The thing is, though, if Isak is very aware of the fact he's being more secretive and distant than he used to be, so is Mikael, and he can't figure out if Mikael is reacting to Isak's behavior or if it's something else. 

And that particular night, Isak's suspicions get even more real.

Mikael is strangely silent, although not cold, as he's playing with Isak's hair again, all while his head is hanging at the edge of his bed. Isak told him a hundred times not to do it because he will get dizzy, but of course, when does Mikael ever listen to him anyway?

The buzzing sound of a phone resonates loudly into the bedroom. Immediately, Mikael straightens up and looks around him.

"Is it yours?" He asks, sounding unusually frantic. 

Isak swallows slowly before answering, trying to calm down the beat of his heart and not have his voice betray him. Chances are, it is his, and the message must be from Even, as it usually is these days. "Hm, I don't know? I don't even know where my phone is. It's whatever. Why?"

For a short second, Isak meets Mikael's eyes and what he sees in them is unreadable. All he knows, though, is that Mikael has never looked at him like that and it doesn't feel right.

Does it mean… Mikael is getting suspicious? Did he notice how much time Isak is spending on his phone? Is he wondering who Isak could be texting? Or worse, did he notice how often both Isak and Even disappear, at the same time? 

Isak feels the lump of anxiety in his stomach grows as he waits for Mikael to say something, but in the end, his friend just lies back on the bed without a single word about it.

It doesn't feel any less threatening, for no fingers are playing with his hair anymore.

Isak tries to think about it in all the possible ways, tries to remember the last time he's heard Mikael mentioning Even, but he can't. He even comes to wonder if the thing that's been going on for Mikael to pull away from his best friend is still a thing or not. It seems so far away now, and yet, it's been such an undeniable fact for Isak for so long, that he didn't think about questioning it until now.

That's why, deciding that the risk is worth taking, he asks Mikael, "what do you think about Even and Sonja breaking up?"

The silence that follows is loud. Mikael doesn't move, doesn't seem to react and Isak, out of frustration, almost kicks Mikael's leg to get his attention.

But he doesn't have to. Eventually, he hears Mikael sigh and then mumble, "whatever. Good for him. But they are probably gonna get back together as always." 

Mikael sounds so certain about it that Isak feels a weird pinch to his heart. Would Even really go back to Sonja? After not knowing why he stayed with her for weeks, and then, according to Sonja, dumping her for…Isak himself?

Quickly, Isak shakes the thought away. Now is not the time to worry about it.

"Would you mind if they do?" 

Again, Mikael's answer is long to come. And the longer it takes, the less he wants to hear it. All things considered, it's too scary.

And yet, it's too late to avoid it when Mikael confesses, "I guess, yes."

So it's still there. No questioning needed. And although it suffocates Isak into more guilt, he gets it. It makes sense. Isak knows first hand how understandable it is.

Mikael's hand finds Isak's hair again but it brings him no comfort.


	113. Chapter 113

**_Flashback - Mid-January 2016 (around 2 and a half months ago)_ **

It's the first party Isak is going to since he left Nissen, and although it's nothing big and there is close to no chance that he would run into someone he knows from  _ before _ , he still can't help but feel anxious.

Isak didn't feel like coming at all but the boys - this chaotic group of friends who accepted him among them despite his younger age, ever since he met Even behind the cafeteria, a happy coincidence, and the angelic boy invited him to join them for lunch - kept asking him to. It's heartwarming, how hard they are all trying to include him, how nice they always are to him, and most important, how understanding they are, never pushing him when he tries to avoid their questions on why he changed schools. 

But Isak doesn't want to intrude on them too much or for his bad mood to kill their good vibe, so he tries to make himself small and discreet, which is such a huge contrast to how they are - always loud and euphoric and very much present, the heart of the party.

And, if Isak is being honest with himself, there is also the fact that Even is currently dancing with his girlfriend, Sonja, and the sight makes Isak feel things he shouldn't be feeling. Things like jealousy and disappointment. The very same things he has felt the first time he's heard about Even having a girlfriend and then felt again the first time he has actually seen them together. 

The thing is, Isak likes every single one of the boys, but being with Even feels different. It's easy and comfortable between them, in a way he hasn't experienced in a long time - or perhaps, ever. He likes Even's laugh and the way his eyes close when he smiles. He likes how confident and effortlessly stunning he looks, and yet makes the most dorky jokes and can't eat without putting ketchup all around his mouth at lunch. They also get along very well, more than, and Isak- poor, naive Isak. He has really thought Even was flirting with him.

But of course he was wrong. Because Even has a beautiful girlfriend and he probably couldn't care less about an awkward, closed-off kid he just met. So here goes Isak, crushing over another guy who's in a relationship - and Even not being as straight (judging by his Instagram's post and what Isak's heard his first few days at Bakka) as Jonas doesn't exactly make it better.

In short, this isn't the fresh start Isak has expected. All he has ever wanted was to forget about his stupid, hopeless crushes on…  _ guys _ , which had already cost him his dignity and his life at Nissen. But his own personal nightmare was following him everywhere.

Defeated, Isak decides to leave the party. There is no point in staying if he can't even fake a smile in front of the boys, and he isn't keen on watching Even and Sonja slow dancing all night long. He's already been hiding in the kitchen for far too long, he may as well leave now and message the boys that he didn't feel good. It sounds like a proper plan.

Nevertheless, on his way to the door, he's stopped by a complete stranger who, for his part, seems to know him enough to remember his name.

"Yo, Isak? Your buddy is throwing up in the bathroom and people would like a chance to take a piss. Could you go take care of him?"

Isak has no idea who "his buddy" is, but the guy seems so convinced that it is somehow his duty to take care of it that Isak ends up nodding and looking for a bathroom. 

It doesn't take more than a dozen of seconds for him to locate the bathroom, judging by the line of people waiting in front of the door. When Isak gets closer, they all look at him expectantly and sigh in semi-relief. One of them even open the door for him and tell him to "hurry the fuck up and kick your friend out, he's been in there forever". Once again, Isak is confused but he goes with it.

When Isak spots Mikael on his knees in front of the toilet with his head on the toilet bowl, he closes the door shut and runs to him. 

"Mikael? Are you okay?" He asks, nervous all over again. Mikael has been the definition of welcoming for him from day one, always extra nice to him, always smiling at him and including him into easy jokes as if they've been friends for months. So it's an unexpected sight to see him in such a sorry state. Isak didn't even know Mikael drinks. He doesn't remember  _ seeing _ him drink tonight, but apparently he did while Isak was hiding somewhere else in the house like a coward.

"Hm, no," Isak thinks he hears Mikael mumble. He looks and sounds half-asleep. 

"Where are the others?"

Mikael shrugs, or at least it seems like that's what he tried to do, while still hugging the toilet tightly.

"Want me to go get someone?" Isak tries again. He doesn't know what to do, to be honest. Is it a normal thing for Mikael? Should he get the boys immediately to take him home? But Mikael doesn't make a sound, so Isak tries to think. Isn't Even supposed to be Mikael's best friend? Isak has never seen them interact much in front of him but that's what he's understood from their social media accounts and from what the boys told him. Mikael and Even, the besties of the group. Surely Mikael would want his best friend to take care of him more than a stranger, which Isak is. "Mikael," he tries to get his attention again. Mikael hums, eyes closed. "I will go get Even, okay?"

"No!" 

Isak almost dies from a heart attack right there and then, with Mikael waking up from his daze to grip his arm firmly, stopping him from moving away.

"Please, no, not Even!" Mikael's eyes are wide open now, tired and red. "I can't stand to be around him anymore," he adds, lower this time, almost in a whisper. "It hurts too much."

Isak frowns, confused. Is Mikael talking about Even? "What?"

"Listen," Mikael says, leaning on Isak now, almost like he's asking Isak to hold him into his arms, but Isak doesn't dare to. "It hurts too much to be around him, you know? I like him too much." Isak freezes as the words sink in. Does it mean... "He's so fucking perfect, of course I like him… But he's supposed to be my best friend, you know? So I shouldn't. Not like that. I… I want it to go away." 

His speech is slurred but Isak knows exactly what Mikael means, for he's felt it in the past for his own best friend, but not only. He thinks he's also feeling a glimpse of what Mikael must be feeling for Even, for the very same person.

What were the odds. Isak can't believe life is fucking with him again. 

"I'm ruining everything," Mikael adds, his words breaking over a muffled sob. And,  _ oh, _ how relatable it is. Isak can feel it to the core, too.

This time, Isak takes him into his arms and Mikael clings to him like he's hoping for Isak to have the power to take all of his pain and unrequited love away.

But Isak can't. He's powerless, has always been. What he can do, though, is make sure he won't ever add to Mikael's heartbreak. He's done enough damages to other people's lives - Jonas', Eva's, to start -, maybe he can make it stop now. No matter what, he can't make the same mistake again : so he has to stop talking to Even and he has to protect Mikael at all cost. Whether what he thought he had with Even was real or not, the complicity, the flirting- it can't be no more. Not with Mikael around. Not now that he knows what Mikael feels for Even.

Whatever feelings he had, he needs to forget about them. 

"Mik, I'm taking you to my place, okay? Can you walk?"

Mikael nods and stands up slowly, with Isak's support.

"Thank you, Isak."

_ It's worth it _ , Isak thinks.  _ It's worth it _ .


	114. Chapter 114




	115. Chapter 115




	116. Chapter 116




	117. Chapter 117

Even didn't expect his night to turn out that way, but he's not complaining, far from it.

How could he, when he has the most beautiful boy he's ever met pressed against him, kissing him urgently as if they haven't been doing just that for a couple of weeks now? Tonight, Isak tastes of the cherry beer Even has ordered for him just to piss him off, of thrilling secrets and passionate, forbidden encounters. They ditched the boys into the Friday night crowd of the bar to stumble together into one of the bathroom stalls, ten, maybe twenty minutes ago. Even can't tell for sure, he lost track of time the second Isak whispered his name into his ear with a knowing smirk and then crashed their lips together. 

Even is the one who dragged him into the bathroom because he couldn't keep his hands to himself any longer, but Isak is undeniably responsible for how long they've been hiding in there. And they both know it's a dangerous game, as any of the boys could walk in looking for them, and the toilet stall door is the only thing hiding them from the rest of the world. A quick look to check their shoes and they would be done.

And then, how to explain what they were doing?

"We need to stop," Isak breathes into his mouth, making a terrible point as he doesn't pull back, the space between them still nonexistent. 

"Then, stop," Even teases him, knowing full well Isak doesn't look anywhere near ready to let go of him.

"Then stop touching me," Isak retorts, and then proceeds to catch Even's belt buckle and brings their hips together.

Even huffs. Two can play this game. "Then stop kissing me," he says, and licks into the boy's mouth until he can feel his legs turn into jelly.

"I hate you," Isak groans.

"No you don't."

Isak's hand finds his way to Even's back pocket of his jeans, like a silent confirmation. In response, Even's grip on Isak's hair gets a little tighter, tilting his face to the side so their kiss can grow deeper and more desperate, too.

Eventually, it's the startling sound of the bathroom's door banging into a wall as people walk in loudly that makes them jump and pull back from each other, although, standing in the narrow stall they are sharing, Isak's proximity remains just as intoxicating. 

Thankfully, Even doesn't recognize any of the boys' voices, and they sound too loud and drunk to realize two people are hiding in the room. For two long minutes, Even stares back at Isak, who's a beautiful mess of conflicted feelings, a mix of fear and shame and excitement and lust. Frozen in place, they are both holding back their breath, or at least trying to, considering they are a bit out of breath from their previous activities. 

Until, finally, the bathroom is empty again and the only noise heard is the distant music coming from the bar and the loud exhales they let out once the immediate danger is gone. 

"See?! That's why we need to stop hiding! We will get caught soon," Isak whisper-yells, frowning at Even as if he's the one responsible for the situation they are in.

Even scoffs. "So should we just stop hiding? I'm fine with it."

Isak opens and closes his mouth a few times, searching for a fleeting comeback. 

"So?" Even insists, because as fun as their secret encounters can be, deep down, he wants nothing more than not having to hide like they are doing something wrong. Because they  _ aren't _ , not to him. Why Isak seems to think they are is still a mystery to him.

"No," Isak replies after a while, his expression turning mournful. "I mean, we should stop. Completely."

Even's heart skips a beat, the threatening request coming out of Isak's mouth making him silently freak out. He doesn't want to stop, not in the slightest. No matter how complicated and uncertain what he has with Isak is, it's still ten times better than what he had with Sonja lately. He feels happy most of the time, and he knows he would be at all times if it wasn't for the secrets Isak isn't sharing with him.  _ Yet _ .

"You don't mean it," Even counters, and he knows it's the truth. If Isak didn't want to be with him, he would have walked away from him already. If Isak didn't want to take all these risks to be with him, even clandestinely, he wouldn't be looking back at him, begging him with eyes to ignore his words and stay by his side. To be patient. "We are good together, don't you think?"

"It's not the issue."

"Then, what is it?"

Isak falls silent again. He's looking down at his feet and he seems smaller than he actually is, like a reflection of how he feels inside. The sight breaks Even's heart more than once.

Carefully, Even cups his face and makes him look up at him, brushing his thumbs on his cheeks to smooth him. And Isak lets him. He sighs but he meets his eyes, green and sad, for reasons Even wishes he knew. "Come back to my place, okay? Let's get out of here and just chill."

On his words, the tension inside Isak's body lets go completely, like maybe he's been waiting all along for Even to see right through him, to not give up on him. And so, Isak's face finds a comforting spot in the crook of Even's neck, and he nods in agreement.

They hug as long as they dare to, before making their escape.


	118. Chapter 118




	119. Chapter 119




	120. Chapter 120

By the time they arrive at Even's place, Isak's mood has lightened - he isn't smiling but he isn't on the edge of crumbling down anymore, so Even takes it as an improvement. Isak also held his hand whenever the streets were empty, and that, Even takes as a victory as well.

They sneak inside his bedroom, careful not to run into his parents. They have met Isak by now (as a "friend", but none believes this version of the story), for he's been spending so much time here, but tonight they aren't in the mood for small talk. Especially not Isak. 

Thankfully the apartment is quiet, and in a matter of seconds, they are changing into more comfortable clothes and finding shelter under Even's blanket, bodies intertwined, Isak's head pillowed on Even's chest.

It's silent for a while, safe and warm in their own bubble. But Even has a million questions to ask, questions he's been meaning to ask for a very long time, as Isak never seemed ready to answer any of it. Lots of them concern Mikael, which is a delicate matter, considering they have always tried not to mention his name while together. Even doesn't even know  _ why _ Mikael is such a taboo subject, all he knows is that Isak has been very clear on the fact he didn't want him to find out about… whatever they are doing. And Even also knows, months ago, Isak getting very close to Mikael has meant Isak pulling away from him, so it can't be a coincidence.

In the end, though, it's Isak who starts speaking on his own; like maybe he's heard Even's internal turmoil and decided to free him from it, or at least part of it.

"I had a best friend, too, back in Nissen. Someone I grew up with, someone I've known for years. Someone who had my back. But I didn't have his, not the way I should have, and I betrayed him out of pure jealousy," Isak says, voice half-muffled into Even's sweatshirt but Even can hear him clearly all the same. "I guess I felt lonely. Jonas had a girlfriend and I wanted what they had, except I thought I wanted it with… With him. So the first chance I got to make them break up, I did. And the worst part is, Eva was my friend, too. I betrayed my two best friends and for what? I ended up all alone anyway." Isak's voice is shaking, guilt and remorse dripping from it as he adds, "as I deserve to be."

"Isak," Even can't help but whisper, hugging him tighter into his arms. "That's not true. You deserve more. You deserve  _ everything _ ." And he never meant something more in his life.

"You don't know what I did," Isak protests.

"Then tell me. What happened?"

And so Isak does. He tells him everything. How he had a crush on Jonas and started resenting Eva, although he didn't want to, because she was his friend and she was kind to him, always. They had problems, trust issues, and so he played with that, put ideas into her head. Until one day, when she came to him telling him she kissed another guy because she thought Jonas was being unfaithful, he promised not to say anything and then ran to the guy's girlfriend, Iben, to tell her everything. Iben went after Eva, the news broke, soon everybody knew at Nissen, including Jonas. 

Except Isak didn't think Eva would actually find a way to speak with Iben. To, not only explain herself to her, but have Iben given her source: Isak himself. When the girls realized Isak had been going behind Eva's back, Iben had no remorse spreading it to the entire school. 

"The whole school knew what I did," Isak explains with obvious pain in his voice. "Which means  _ Jonas _ heard about it. And then, everybody tried to speculate on why I did it, why did I go to Iben instead of telling Jonas in the first place. That's when some douchebag who loved picking on him, Elias, decided it would be fun to spread to the whole school that I did it out of jealousy, because I was into… my own best friend. Which wasn't a lie, that's the thing. But that's not something I wanted anyone to know. I could barely stand the thought of being into a guy, at all. To me, back then, I wasn't… You know.  _ Gay _ ," Isak spits out, clearly still struggling with the word. "I was just confused."

Even hums in understanding and presses a kiss on his forehead. "Did you say there were only rumours?"

Isak shakes his head. "That's the thing with rumours, though. No one cares if they are true or wrong. The moment it starts spreading, it's too late," he sighs. "I was so ashamed. And then, I had to face Jonas. He was so, so mad at him. So disappointed. He wanted to know why I did it, but even with all the rumours, I couldn't bring myself to say it. In the end, he asked if Elias was right and he knew me well enough to read the answer on my face."

"Fuck," Even whispers. No matter the mistakes and the wrongs Isak did to his friends, Even is unable not to feel sorry for him. He wishes he could have been there to comfort him, to hold his hand and protect him from assholes like this Elias guy. 

"Jonas  _ hated _ me. He was… disgusted. He could barely look at me anymore," Isak adds, on the verge of sobbing, the memory of it still as painful as the actual event, even months later.

"Oh,  _ baby _ ," Even rubs his back in reassurance. 

"It's fine," Isak pulls back a bit, forcing himself to shake his emotions away. "I deserved it. After everything I did to him and to Eva, it was only fair."

Even wants to fight his words but clearly Isak isn't open to the discussion, so, although it pains him, he lets Isak be for now. They can work on it later. 

"So you asked for a transfer?" Even asks carefully.

"Yeah. And that's fucking ironic, because I got the idea from Eva. She wanted to transfer after the whole kiss thing blew up, and I convinced her not to do it, because I genuinely felt bad for what I did to her," Isak clarifies. "So yeah, I ran away. I was so scared of myself, of what it meant, and of people knowing and then my worst nightmare happened."

Even nods. It's clear it's something Isak is still struggling with, even without the whole Mikael thing. Yet, he has never felt Isak's fear or self-hatred when they were together. That's why he decides to point it out to him, while playing with one of Isak's curls to remind him it's not an accusation; if anything else, it should be a compliment, "you don't look scared right now." 

And for the first time in hours, Isak smiles, albeit shyly, "I'm not. Not with you. Somehow, it doesn't feel scary, it just feels right." Isak bites his bottom line, thinking. "I know I have many flaws, I'm far from perfect. But I swear I'm working on it."

So far, Even has been forbidding himself to get carried away, to let himself feel too much for Isak, very aware that the boy has many issues to solve before it would be reasonable enough for them to consider something more between them. To be honest, Even has no idea if it would be something Isak even wants. But how not to crave for it, when such promising and lovely words are coming out of Isak's mouth? Even has to kiss him, rolling him on his back and tangling their legs together while they kiss, pressing into each other's lips the words they aren't allowed to speak just yet.

"You know," Even says after they break off to catch their breath, Isak's face flushed and his pupils wide. A sight for sore eyes. "I'm not as perfect as you think. As everybody thinks."

His grim tone makes Isak look at him seriously,  _ really _ look at him, maybe even for the first time. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't have the flu, back in February," Even confesses.

"No?" Isak says in a small voice.

"No. I was depressed. Stuck in bed."

Isak makes a strangled noise that has Even look up at him in confusion, but Isak quickly shakes his head and apologizes, "sorry. I just- I wasn't expecting it."

"I know," Even snorts. "And no one knows except Sonja."

"Oh," is all that comes out of Isak's mouth. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Even shrugs it off, pulling away from Isak to stare at the ceiling. He can feel the boy's eyes on him but they are no longer touching. Even was so ready to share it with someone, with Isak, that he didn't think about his reaction. Which is funny, because people's potential reactions have been the reason why he didn't bother to tell any of his friends so far. He didn't want their behavior to change around him. "What are you thinking about?" 

"Hm? Nothing," Isak replies, but it sounds like a lie. "So… You have depression?"

"Yes. Or, I don't know." Isak moves next to him, sitting up to be able to meet Even's eyes again. At least it means Isak is okay with looking at him, still. "I mean, I had an Aunt, June. She… She was like my best friend growing up. We were very close," Even smiles at the memory, and so does Isak in return. "She had bipolar disorder. And it's hereditary, so last time, the psychiatrist mentioned how… it shouldn't be excluded, for me."

"Oh. I see," Isak nods slowly. He doesn't seem as casual and detached as Even would have wished for him to be after hearing his most well-kept secret, Even can't tell if it's bothering Isak or not, but at least for now he's staying by his side. "Where is she now?"

Even has to look away at the thought. He was very young when it happened, but everytime he thinks about it, he can feel a phantom ache inside his chest, in his heart, reminding him of who he lost - someone he has always considered to be his soulmate. He had no idea how  _ alike _ they could be, though, until a few months ago. 

"She's dead. She died when I was 7," Even admits.

Isak's fingers find his face, tracing patterns on his cheek gently, until Even turns his head again to meet his green, soothing eyes. "I'm sorry," Isak whispers, then leans over and kisses the corner of his mouth.

Even lets him, and draws him in into another embrace, until his heart stops hurting, until it starts beating again to the rhythm of Isak's. And in the safety of his bedroom, with the boy of his dreams in his arms, Even lets himself dream of something more.

Of something that wouldn't hurt any of them.


	121. Chapter 121




	122. Chapter 122




	123. Chapter 123




	124. Chapter 124




	125. Chapter 125




	126. Chapter 126




	127. Chapter 127




	128. Chapter 128




	129. Chapter 129




	130. Chapter 130




	131. Chapter 131




	132. Chapter 132

Another Friday night, another party.

Time flies and it's been almost two months since Isak came very close to running straight into Jonas at Elias' birthday party. Almost two months, too, since Isak ended up in a dark closet with his well-kept secret crush, Even. It feels like forever ago now, for so much happened between them, things he likes to think about when he feels sad and lonely and needs cheering up, but also things he shouldn't linger on too much because it reminds him of how he's stabbing Mikael in the back by simply thinking about Even.

It's a dilemma where at least two people will come out of it with a broken heart. His, of course, no matter what; but he knows he's going to take someone else down with him as well, whether he wants it or not, and it's the worst part. Actually, it's already started: he made Even sad, and it's killing him.

As usual, they all arrived together but as the hours went by, all the boys scattered over the course of the party. Adam, who brought them here, is now busy hooking with the host, Anine, despite his so-called not crush on her. Elias spent half an hour bragging about being right before moving on and flirting with one of Anine's friends. Mutta is the life of the party, like he's so good at, followed by Yousef and Even, or that is, when Even isn't walking around the room, pretending to be doing anything but staring at Isak. 

Truth to be told, they can't stay away from each other for very long. Many times, Isak has felt Even's hand brushing his as they were talking with other people. Many times, their eyes met at opposite sides of the room. Many times, Isak has followed Even into another room, drawn to each other like magnets.

It's so obvious they aren't really over, and it would be fine, in theory, if Isak wasn't so eaten up by guilt and worry. But he is, very much so, and especially tonight: Mikael is in a bad mood - unusually silent and withdrawn, not smiling or laughing at any jokes - and Isak has seen him drinking during the night, which hadn't been a thing since he picked him up in a sorry state in a bathroom back in January. It also seems like Mikael is avoiding him, or at least, it's the only explanation to why Isak hasn't seen him for a couple of hours now. He's obviously not with Adam and Elias, and he's nowhere to be seen around Mutasim, Yousef or, less surprisingly, Even.

Isak feels like he's slowly but surely losing his mind over all the lies and secrets, all the things he's sweared he would never do again but ended up doing anyway, despite his best intentions. He wanted to protect Mikael, but he failed, and now he has to pay the price for it.

That's why, the next time Isak gets distracted by Even's blue, longing eyes on him, awaking in him a devouring urge to throw himself into his arms and forgets all about his stupid decision, he bolts out and goes looking for Mikael.

It's decided. He's going to confess everything tonight. He's going to find Mikael, ask him to leave with him and they are going to have an open conversation together. He needs to be honest. By lying, Isak hasn't been protecting Mikael, he's only been protecting himself.

It almost feels like fate when, half-way through the living-room, Isak collides with Mikael, who makes grabby hands at him like he's been looking for him as well. 

Isak wastes no more time and asks, "Mik! Can we leave, now?" 

Then, a quick look at Mikael, and Isak realizes his friend has obviously been busy drinking, and quite a lot: he's drunk. He can barely stand on his own, and in a matter of seconds, Isak has to support him with an arm around his waist to make sure he's not going to stumble. 

"Isak!" Mikael yells a bit too loud, even coming from him. 

_ Shit _ . Here goes his plan to have a serious conversation.

"I missed you so much," Mikael goes on, slurring his words. 

Isak rolls his eyes fondly. "I missed you too," he replies, and means it. It feels like they haven't been Isak and Mikael in weeks, only shadows of themselves, putting on an act. 

And then, the most unthinkable thing happens: Mikael leans over and kisses him, right on the mouth.

Isak is so stunned that it takes half a second too long to react. Half a second during which his brain switches into panic mode and he thinks, "push him back! Before people see! Before people know!". But this is also half a second during which he remembers Jonas' reaction, he remembers how much it hurt him to be rejected by the person he trusted the most, and so, his next thought isn't to push back Mikael as hard as he can: it's to protect him one more time.

So, "Mik," he whispers softly while breaking the kiss and stepping back just enough to make eye contact with his friend, but not letting go of him, keeping an arm around him, ignoring the people around them that must have witnessed the kiss.

Mikael is more important than any of them.

"Mik, will you come with me? Can you walk? I think it's time to go home," Isak says with a voice he hopes sounds gentle and not as anxious as he feels. Slowly, he walks them out of the house, and Mikael lets him.

"Where are we going?" Mikael mutters, his head cuddled on Isak's shoulder. 

"My place. You're going to sleep at mine, okay?"

On his words, Mikael stops dead in his tracks and Isak is the one who almost loses his balance. 

"What's wrong?"

For a moment, their eyes meet and Isak feels his heart squeeze inside his chest at how sad Mikael looks. Mikael's hand finds his face, stroking his cheek, so tenderly that it leaves Isak breathless. Everything is so confusing, he can't believe this is really happening. Why would Mikael kiss him? Is it what has been going on all along with his friend but Isak has been too self-absorbed to see it?

"I'm sorry I lied," Mikael whispers, so low Isak isn't sure whether they are his friend's words or his own thoughts screaming inside his mind.

"What? What do you mean?"

But Isak gets no answer; Mikael turns around and throws up in the bush next to them.


	133. Chapter 133




	134. Chapter 134




	135. Chapter 135




	136. Chapter 136




	137. Chapter 137




	138. Chapter 138




	139. Chapter 139




	140. Chapter 140




	141. Chapter 141




	142. Chapter 142




	143. Chapter 143




	144. Chapter 144




	145. Chapter 145




	146. Chapter 146




	147. Chapter 147




	148. Chapter 148

Back in the days, Even and Mikael would come to Anker Park, not far away from Bakka, when they were skipping and wanted a nice place to hang out. They would find a bench and stare at the Akerselva river, talking about everything and nothing, the way best friends do, never running short of things to say to each other. 

They came here quite a lot last Autumn, when the walking trail was almost completely hidden under the orange-brown fallen leaves of the trees. When it had just rained, Mikael slipped more than once on the wet leaves and Even had to save him just as many times, catching him in his fall, while their laughter disturbed the surrounding calm and may have been carried as far as Bakka.

Then Winter came, and for a while it was okay, until Even came out and after that? It's never been the same ever again between them.

Today, though, Even might finally get the answers he's been waiting for. Too bad he can't find it in himself to be either happy or relieved, for all he can think of right now is Isak and why he's missing but also why he's been lying to him about his relationship with Mikael. How ironic it is; Even thought he was Isak's dirty little secret but turned out he's only been a small part of a bigger lie.

Today, Autumn is long gone and Winter is fading more and more everyday. The trees are green and the flowers are slowly blooming and it's almost sunny today. It could be a nice Spring day, if only Even didn't feel so heartbroken inside. So betrayed and confused.

Mikael shows up late, but it's nothing surprising. Actually, it's almost comforting, because Mikael has never been on time once in his life and at least it means some things never change. When their eyes meet, as they are still standing at a careful distance from each other, Even realizes it's the first time in months they are actually looking at each other. And inside Mikael's eyes, Even sees nothing that he's been expecting: no anger and no disgust, only worry and maybe… remorse? 

"Hi," Mikael speaks first, voice tentative and shy, which doesn't sound like him at all. Maybe things do change sometimes after all.

"Hello," Even replies slowly, then waves at him to come sit next to him on the bench. Mikael does without much hesitation, finding the spot that used to be his.

"I know you must have a lot of questions and I also have a lot of explaining to do- I owe you explanations, I'm fully aware of it. But if you know something about what's going on with Isak, please, just tell me if he's okay or not. I don't know if I should show up at his house or call the police or-"

"I don't," Even cuts him off when he realizes Mikael is going to ramble for too long. Mikael stops and looks at him with wide, expecting eyes. "I don't know anything. We… I don't know what we were in the first place but we broke up. Isak asked for a break and the morning after I saw you two kiss at the party I sent him a message to stop everything for good. So I know nothing," Even explains, trying hard not to show how affected he is by the whole situation but certainly failing at it.

"Fuck!" Mikael exclaims, burying his face into his hands. "This dumb kiss. Why did I fucking kiss him!"

Even frowns, disconcerted. If Isak and Mikael had a thing on the side, too, then why would Mikael not kiss him? "You… You weren't supposed to kiss in public? Is it the issue?"

"What?" Mikael looks up in surprise. "No, I wasn't supposed to kiss him  _ at all _ . But, fuck, with people knowing about it now, it makes everything so much worse! I'm so fucking stupid!"

Now, Even is properly lost. "I don't understand. Weren't you and Isak secretly dating or something?"

Mikael lets out an awkward, nervous laugh. "What the fuck? No? We are friends, that's all. You and Isak were apparently the ones secretly dating!"

Right. Speaking of… "How did Adam even find out about it?!"

"I don't know, he's just smart and observant!" Mikael throws his hands in the air. "When I told him about the kiss, the first thing he told me is,  _ why did you kiss Isak, you idiot! He has a thing with Even _ . He said it like it was the most obvious thing ever but I honestly had no idea!"

For long seconds, they stare at each other in complete confusion. They used to be so good at reading each other, at knowing what the other thought just by exchanging a simple look, a specific smile. But right now, they are clearly misunderstanding each other and Even can't see what he's missing.

"So there was nothing going on between you and Isak?" Even asks, to make sure he heard him well the first time. Mikael nods. "So why did you kiss?!"

"We didn't kiss,  _ I _ kissed him. And why… This isn't relevant at the moment. I was drunk and upset and I made a mistake, okay? But Isak had nothing to do with it. Whatever you two had in secret, it was real, as far as I know," Mikael clarifies.

_ It was real _ . Even doesn't know what to think anymore. The kiss meant nothing, but it doesn't erase weeks of hiding. Isak didn't want Mikael to know. He felt guilty about it, deeply so. But why?

"Isak didn't want you to know about us. Or, well, he wanted to tell you eventually but he was scared of it," Even explains, as much to himself than to Mikael, trying to make sense of the situation. "He felt so guilty, he looked so sad by the end, he… Why would he feel like that?!"

Mikael sighs then, clearly knowing the answer, and not feeling very happy about it. "I'm assuming he felt guilty because of what happened at Nissen." He pauses, studies Even's face carefully.

"Yes, don't worry, I know what happened there. He told me," Even replies. Maybe he was wrong and they are still capable of reading each other without using words.

Mikael nods. "Okay, good. Then I'm assuming he didn't want to repeat the same mistakes. I mean, we can't know for sure unless he explains it to us but I think he felt guilty because… Fuck," Mikael stops again. Now, he's the one who actually looks eaten up by guilt and regret. "I think he thought he was betraying me by being with you. So he felt like he was doing it again, going behind his best friend's back…"

"I don't understand," Even groans in frustration. "Betraying you? Why? Did you make him take sides? Is it the reason why he stopped speaking to me months ago? But then, again,  _ why _ ? What have I done to make you resent me so much? Was it the coming-out? You can't stand the idea of me being pan, of Isak being-"

"No!" Mikael cries, horrified. He stands up from the bench and for a moment Even fears he's going to walk away from him, but then he turns around and takes a deep breath to calm himself. "Not at all, on the contrary." Even arches an eyebrow at him and Mikael blushes in embarrassment. "I mean…" 

"Mik," Even calls softly. Mikael is all over the place and Even knows they won't get anywhere if he can't relax. "It's okay, just… It's me. I won't judge you."

Mikael doesn't seem convinced but he goes on anyway. "Fine." He doesn't sit down again but he seems less panicked, at least. "It's just… For the longest time, I thought boys like girls around here and that's it. I thought I was just going through a weird phase. I thought sometimes… Sometimes it was normal to feel giddy around your own best friend..." Their eyes meet, Mikael, open and vulnerable, the truth out in the open, and Even, finally putting all the pieces together. Oh, he's been so wrong about it, he had no idea… 

"You…"

"Yeah," Mikael doesn't let him finish. "I guess I was crushing hard on you, but I also didn't want it, or didn't want you to know. It lasted for months, and I didn't really mind, in a way? Because we were best friends and it was the most important. But then, you came out, you were so confident and at ease about it, and all of sudden, it was clear that boys didn't necessarily only like girls, and my world kind of… Shifted. It changed everything for me. It meant I needed to face the fact I didn't look at girls, at all, but I definitely looked at other boys, and especially you…" 

Mikael looks down, avoiding Even's eyes, and starts playing with a small rock on the ground with his right foot. "It also meant other things, like… First, I started rethinking all our interactions. Before, I would tell myself,  _ he's just being friendly, he's just being tactile, he's like that with everybody, don't overthink _ . Afterwards, I did start to overthink it. But you had Sonja, and you did act that way with everybody, so I started thinking,  _ if he likes boys, and he likes you enough to be your best friend, then what's wrong with you for him not to like you the way you like him? _ I was obsessing over it. So, yes, I started avoiding you, hoping it would go away if we weren't so close anymore. And then I met Isak, and I felt safe with him, understood. Because the other thing that happened, is that I kind of… got mad at you, I guess? For having it so easy. You came out and everybody thought you were so cool, and Sonja was supportive, and it was just perfect. But me? I still had a hopeless, embarrassing crush on my best friend, and I was so scared to tell the world,  _ hey, I'm fucking gay _ ."

"Mik…" Even winces. "I'm sorry, I swear I didn't-" 

"I know, Even," Mikael interrupts him. "It's not your fault. I'm the one who should apologize.  _ I'm sorry _ . I stopped talking to you without a single explanation. I let you think… But that's not even the worst part."

"No?" Even asks in a small voice.

"No. The worst part is, it faded. It took time, but one day, I stopped feeling that way about you, and I didn't say anything. It's been this huge thing for so long, that when it stopped, I felt too ashamed and embarrassed to say anything. I couldn't deal with the fact that I ruined our friendship for something that would leave without a warning sign. I know Isak took his distance from you for me. I didn't ask him, but I know he did it for me, so it's all the same. I ruined the good mood of the whole group. And for what?!" 

Mikael's voice breaks at the end, and he takes his head into his hands, like the weight of his emotions are getting too heavy for him. It pains Even to see his best friend like this, and so, he doesn't hesitate to stand up and hug him, like they used to each time one of them was upset. Mikael tries to recoil, but only because he isn't quite done speaking.

"And now," he mumbles, "it's only getting worse, because I'm hearing that I hurt Isak even more by not telling him. I let him think he was betraying him by feeling what he feels for you. I made him so insecure over something that doesn't matter anymore!"

"Mik, you couldn't know, you didn't know," Even tries to appease him, but as he speaks, he realizes he made a huge mistake too. His message to Isak… He hurt him over a misunderstanding, too. "We both fucked up."

"Even," Mikael groans. "Nothing would have happened if it weren't for me. And the kiss? I even managed to ruin  _ your _ relationship!"

"Isak and I ruined it on our own. We had so many secrets and lies between us, it couldn't have worked," Even says, and as the words come out, he realizes how true they are. Their relationship has been doomed from the start, as painful as it is for him to admit. 

"But you love each other, right?" Mikael protests.

Even pauses. He doesn't know about Isak's side, he doesn't have much certitude anymore, but he knows about his own feelings, and anything else would be a lie, so after a while, he nods to Mikael.

It makes his best friend smile. "Then you two will fix it. You have to."

Which brings them both back to the main issue: what's going on with Isak?

"Did he tell you about his… home situation?" Mikael asks after a while.

"No?" Mikael makes a face, so Even adds, "Mik, if this is serious, I think you need to tell me. We had enough secrets, see what it came out of it."

Mikael doesn't seem very happy about it, but eventually, he sighs in resignation. "Okay… Well, his mom is sick, like- some kind of mental illness. And his dad is a jerk. So I don't know if him disappearing has anything to do with it. I don't know what to do…"

After this already long discussion with Mikael, Even thought he had heard it all, he had had his share of surprises for the next year, but of course he had to wait for the final blow. 

"Are you kidding me?!" He says out loud. He can't believe it. "Is it a joke?"

"What?" He hears Mikael ask.

It can't be a coincidence. He told Isak about his mental illness issues, and the next day, he got a message from Isak asking for space. All along, he thought it was about Mikael, but maybe Even was actually the one who scared Isak away in the first place. Isak probably realized a dangerous, secret relationship with a potentially crazy guy wasn't worth the risk, and wasn't worth losing his friendship with Mikael.

Defeated, Even doesn't even care about Mikael knowing. He just drops the news. "Mik, remember my Aunt June?" Of course, his friend nods. "Remember when I said I had the flu, around February?"

Even waits, doesn't add anything, until he can see on Mikael's face the exact moment he connects the dots.

"Oh,  _ Even _ . I should have known the flu thing was bullshit. You're never sick!"

"Well, I'm sick, but not the physically sick way you mean…"

This time, Mikael is the one crushing them into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry I've been such a self-absorbed prick that I couldn't be there for you.  _ Fuck _ ."

And maybe it shouldn't, after everything that happened, but it feels right, safe, comforting, to finally have his best friend back. Even if, in the end, it doesn't erase from Even's mind the hard truth…

"I think Isak didn't want to be with me anymore because of it. I told him, and then… Then he asked for a break," Even mutters into Mikael's shoulder. 

His friend pulls back, stunned. "What?! No way! Isak would never. He loves his mom. And I'm convinced he loves you. I'm sure it's another misunderstanding."

"Maybe, but does it matter?"

"What do you mean?"

Even's heart is already broken, but still, he feels a last painful squeeze in his chest when he says the world out loud, "he deserves better than me. Than a burden. He's suffering enough as it is with his parents, I can't make things worse for him…"

Mikael puts his hands on his shoulders to shake him slightly, as if he's trying to set him straight again. "You're not allowed to think like that, ever, you hear me? You're not a burden, you're the best person I know, and if anything,  _ we _ don't deserve you, alright?"

Even hears him, but the words sound empty, no matter how deeply Mikael means it. Because even if there is a small chance that Even can get Isak back, from now on, he knows he will always wonder if he's being too much, if he's being a weight on Isak, if Isak's worried about him, waiting for him to snap for good. Even was young, but he still remembers how it was like with June, sometimes; and he still sees the gleam in his mother's eyes when he mentions her sister to her, and he doesn't want this for Isak, ever.

It doesn't seem fair.

"Alright?" Mikael insists, and Even… Even nods at him, but doesn't mean it, just pulls his friend back into a hug so he can't see the void inside Even's eyes.


	149. Chapter 149




	150. Chapter 150




	151. Chapter 151




	152. Chapter 152




	153. Chapter 153




	154. Chapter 154




	155. Chapter 155

Someone is knocking at the door.

Isak knows it can't be his father, because he begged him to come back multiple times already and the coward only tried to convince him to leave his own mother, too. Which means it must be one of the boys, most likely Mikael, since Even got sick of him (as he's more than allowed to), or at a push Sana, whom he's been ignoring for days, ditching one study date after the other. 

But no matter who that is, Isak is certain of one thing: he doesn't want to see nor talk to anyone. So he doesn't answer, stays hidden inside his bedroom staring at the walls for long, hollow hours, only hoping for the noise not to wake up his mother who's finally sleeping. But after so many sleepless nights, he dares to believe she won't emerge again anytime soon.

After a while, the knocking stops, and Isak closes his eyes, partly from relief, partly from regret. Maybe, just maybe, a small part of him was hoping for the person not to give up just yet. Maybe a selfish part of him was hoping for whoever cared enough to show up at his house to put on a fight. But Isak knows he's not allowed to wish for such a thing when he doesn't deserve it in any way. He got multiple chances to be a good person, and he failed every single time. His loneliness, right now, is his well-deserved punishment for his sins.

Meticulously, Isak tries to clear his mind, to get rid of all his thoughts, to be left with nothing but emptiness. He used to be good at it, but lately, all his attempts failed after unwanted memories flooded his mind - a glimpse of blue, loving eyes looking back at him, the distant echo of a familiar laugh, the invisible caress of a hand on his skin. 

This time, though, memories aren't what makes him open his eyes and sit up, usually in defeat. No, this time, this is the sound of footsteps climbing the stairs leading upstairs, then coming closer to his bedroom.

Someone's inside his house, someone who obviously shouldn't be.

With a racing heart, panic rising inside him, Isak springs from his bed in search of something, anything, that he could use to defend himself. But apart from a pile of books, he has nothing, since a stranger breaking into his house shouldn't happen, ever - he feels like he's in a goddamn movie right now and he would very much like to get out of it!

Isak has just enough time to grab the thickest book he owns, in a last desperate move, before he sees the door of his room open and...

And finds his former best friend, Jonas Noah Vasquez, on his fucking doorstep, looking at him like he's the one being weird, holding a book over his head, ready to throw it.

"Isak?" 

Isak is so stunned he drops the book on the ground and almost crushes his feet in the process. 

"What the fuck," he hears himself squeal.

And, "what were you exactly trying to do with this book?" Jonas has the nerves to ask him with a smirk.

"What the fuck," Isak repeats. Maybe his brain is broken. Maybe Jonas isn't even really inside his house, and he lost his mind, just like his mother. "What are- how did you- are you-  _ why _ ?!"

Jonas turns serious again and lets out a sigh. "I know where your parents are hiding the spare key in the garden, remember?" Right. Because Jonas has known him and his family long enough and well enough for it. "Since you wouldn't answer the door, I let myself in…" 

And suddenly, everything feels too much for Isak. The last days, the last weeks,  _ hell _ , the last months have been too much! He starts laughing, or maybe crying, running straight into an embarrassing nervous breakdown, right in front of the person he thought he would never see again, or if he did, not even in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that Jonas would speak to him so nicely, as if nothing terrible happened between them.

"Isak, calm down, it's okay," Jonas is talking to him with the softest voice, and when Isak comes back to himself, he realizes he's sitting on his bedroom's floor with no memory of how he ended up there, his former best friend right in front of him, hands holding Isak's face. 

"Isak, breathe," Jonas keeps repeating, and after a while, Isak remembers how to.

"Sana called me," Jonas explains, his voice calm and controlled. "She said she was very worried about you. Apparently it's been days since you stopped answering your friends' messages and stopped going to school. No one knows what's going on with you." Jonas waits but Isak has no words in return. His mind is purely and simply blank. Unfazed, Jonas then asks, "where is your mother?" 

"She's sleeping," Isak finally manages to speak.

"And your father?"

Isak goes silent again and Jonas nods. "Okay. I see. Is it what has been going on?"

Isak snorts, or he thinks he does, but in his current state, he isn't sure whether his body is following or not. "Among other things, yes." Jonas nods again in understanding.

"When was the last time you ate something?" It's actually a very good question. Isak can't remember. To be honest, he doesn't even know which day it is. "Okay, then get up. You need to eat, and then we can talk."

And Jonas sounds so determined, so sure of himself, that Isak can do nothing but obey.

*

Jonas is no cook, but Isak is positive that he just had the most delicious pasta dish he has ever eaten. The thing is, when his mother is having one of her episodes, she won't eat, Isak forgets to eat, and now that his father is gone, there is no one to take care of the grocery shopping. So pasta is all they found, but after days of surviving on cereals and biscuits at best, Isak won't complain.

By the end, there is an empty plate on the table between them, and silence, too, ever since Isak opened his mouth and tried to retell everything that happened over the past few months: his unwanted but undeniable crush on Even, his friendship with Mikael, comfortable and unhealthy at the same time, and in some ways, a projection of what he used to have with Jonas, the lies and secrets that followed as he slowly let himself fall for Even, and then ran away, following his father's path in a way, instead of telling Mikael's the truth, and treat Even with the respect and the love he deserves.

Isak shared everything, although it was clumsy and probably very confusing. But Jonas listened, and Jonas seemed to understand, all of it, without a hint of judgement. 

"I see you've been busy at Bakka," is the first thing Jonas says, smiling slightly at his own joke, and with these simple words, Isak can feel all the tension slowly leave his body. He even manages a chuckle. "But the way I see it, it's nothing that can't be fixed."

"But I lied," Isak points out. "I betrayed Mikael's trust and I treated Even like…" Isak can't bring himself to say it, he's too ashamed to put any word on his actions. He's been so self-absorbed by his own struggle that he never stopped to give Even a chance to stand up for what  _ he  _ wanted. He didn't even give him a proper explanation.

"Okay. But if you care about Even as much as  _ I know _ you do, then you will do everything to make it up to him. Apologize a hundred times. Crawl at his feet if you must! Swear that you will do better, that you will never make the same mistakes, and then spend every day of your life proving it to him," Jonas goes on a rant, but what a beautiful rant, filled with so much certainty that Isak finds himself believing in it. He can fix everything if he fights hard enough, if he makes Even his priority, the way he should have done so a long time ago already. "So will you do it?" Jonas asks, but it barely sounds like a question, as if he already knows Isak's anwer.

"Of course I will", Isak replies with no hesitation. Jonas smiles at him, with something like pride in his eyes. It hits him hard then, how unreal it is that Jonas is sitting in his kitchen, listening to him whine about people he hurt, when Jonas himself has been the first victim of his past misdeeds. How can he find it in himself to still care about him, to still want to help him, even after everything Isak has done to him? "But… What about what I did?" Isak whispers after a while. "Going behind my friend's back, lying, betraying him…" 

Their eyes meet, and soon Jonas is leaning over the table, sliding a hand on the wood until it settles on top of Isak's. 

"Isak," he says in a sigh, "it's forgiven. It's been forgiven for a long time now."

It reminds Isak of why Jonas used to be his best friend, before he ruined everything: it's almost unbelievable, how little words he needs for Jonas to understand him right away. Part of him meant Mikael, but a bigger part, awakened by Jonas' presence, obviously meant to mention his falling-out with him.

"But the last time we talked, you… You hated me. You couldn't even look at me after you found out about..."  _ My feelings for you _ , he doesn't dare to say out loud, like maybe it's something Jonas forgot and he would suddenly stand up and leave if he was reminded of it.  _ Me being gay _ , as well.

"Isak, I need you to know that I never cared about what Elias said, whether it was true or not. And it turned out to be true… Right?" Isak looks down, embarrassed, but nods nonetheless. "Right. But it didn't change anything for me. I was just… Surprised. I didn't know, I never noticed, so what you saw, it was me being surprised, and nothing else, okay?" Jonas squeezes his hand gently so Isak forces himself to look up, to meet his eyes again. "And I won't lie to you, I was very angry for what you did to Eva, and in a way, to me as well. I felt betrayed, you're right about that. But I know you, Isak, more than anyone else, and I know you didn't want to hurt any of us, not really, so I decided a long time ago that I forgave you, alright?"

"But how can you-"

"Because I chose to. It's as simple as that. Are you sorry for what you did?"

"Of course!" Isak pretty much yells in answer.

"Then you're forgiven. I don't want to lose my best friend over one mistake. I don't want to lose you  _ again _ ," Jonas concludes. "And I'm sure your friend will feel the same way, because I know what it's like to have Isak Valtersen as your friend, and trust me, he doesn't want to lose you either."

Isak is struggling to believe such words, but they are coming from Jonas, his best friend, and the person who has every reason to hate him and yet doesn't, not even a little bit, apparently. Still, he wonders, why would Jonas come to him now? Why not before, if he stopped being mad at him a long time ago?

When Isak dares to ask him, he's completely taken aback by the answer. 

"Your father didn't tell you? Well, of course he didn't…" Jonas snorts bitterly. "I came to your house after you stopped coming to Nissen, right before the Christmas break. I was worried about you. I wanted us to talk, really talk, now that I didn't feel so angry anymore. But your father answered the door... I didn't even know he was back. He told me to leave, to stay away from you, because you begged him to change schools. Because you told him everybody hated you at Nissen. I guess he was… concerned. I don't know. I never really understood your father. But I made a mistake too, then: I listened to him. I let him convince me you were better off without me. And maybe you were, I don't know… But still, Isak, I'm sorry I did."

Isak is stunned, and he knows he should be mad for what his own father did, but it's like he used all the anger he's capable of already when the man walked away from his family for the second time. He feels numb, more than anything, but perhaps relieved as well, because if his best friend never gave up on him, it means there is a chance he's right about the rest: he can find a way to convince Even to give him another chance, and not ruin it this time; and he can also talk to Mikael, tell him the truth, and not lose him completely. 

But as for the most pressing matter.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. And of course I was never better off without you," Isak shakes his head resolutely. "I ran away. And then, he… I can't believe he…" He pauses, takes a deep breath. His father is gone now, which means it doesn't matter anymore. "My mom. I don't… What am I supposed to do now?"

And contrary to his own, Jonas' voice is sure and steady when he replies, " _ we _ are going to find a solution. You're not alone, Isak. You've never been. And everything's going to be alright."

Everything's going to be alright.


	156. Chapter 156




	157. Chapter 157




	158. Chapter 158




	159. Chapter 159




	160. Chapter 160




	161. Chapter 161




	162. Chapter 162




	163. Chapter 163




	164. Chapter 164




	165. Chapter 165




	166. Chapter 166




	167. Chapter 167

Isak knows something's wrong the second he steps inside the crowded house and feels many eyes following him, staring at him expectantly. He realizes how strange his presence must be, considering he hasn't been to school in days and the last time he's been mentioned, it was to discuss the kiss he's shared with Mikael - a huge misunderstanding, but people never care about that kind of details, Isak learnt it the hard way in the past. His objective is to find Even, though, so he ignores them and goes looking for him.

"Isak!" Mikael calls after him after just a few minutes of exploring. He just has enough time to turn around before Mikael crushes him into a tight hug, quickly followed by Adam, Mutasim, Elias and Yousef.

"We are so happy to see you're okay!" 

"We thought you died!"

"Bro, if Anita sees me inside her house again she's going to kill me!"

"Not the time! Isak, it's so good to have you back."

"Are you okay? Are you sure?"

They speak over each other in a chaotic mess, and Isak would enjoy their words and their affection if it weren't for Even missing, for Even being alone and lost somewhere. The thought seems to be on all of their minds because after the first relief of seeing Isak again, the enthusiasm fades as quickly as it has appeared, and they refocus on the task at hand.

"I will ask around," Elias suggests. It's a good idea: surely people must have noticed Even. Maybe someone knew where he went. 

They split, Elias, Yousef and Mutta sweet-talking people into giving them information on Even's whereabouts and keeping an eye on the ground floor, while Isak, Mikael and Adam take the stairs. They start to check every room but Even is nowhere in sight, until Adam yells from a bedroom;

"Fuck! What if he's on the roof?!" 

Isak and Mikael meet in the hallway, panic written on both of their faces. They find Adam below an open skylight window, low enough for them to reach it and sneak through it if they wanted to. 

"Mik, remember? We went smoking on the roof during Elias' birthday party here!"

On his words, Isak's blood runs cold, and without thinking twice about it, he runs to the window, ready to climb and find his way on the roof, to Even, but something holds him back - or more like, someone.

"Isak, don't!" Mikael has his arms wrapped around his waist firmly, keeping him stuck on the ground. 

"Let me go!"

"Stop! Even is afraid of heights! I don't think he would go there, okay?!"

Isak is ready to argue they should go check anyway, just to be safe, because they can't be sure he's feeling fear anymore, but he's interrupted by Elias, Mutta and Yousef rushing inside the bedroom.

"We can't find him," Mutta whines.

"Anita wants to kill me for showing up but she also said no one saw him in over an hour. Maybe he left," Elias says with a shrug. 

"But some people told me he was partying earlier, that he looked very… euphoric, maybe drunk, and then he sat down for a while and didn't speak to anyone anymore. Then he disappeared," Yousef adds, just as confused.

"Fuck!" Isak knew little about what was happening to Even, but if there were some similarities with his mother, then it meant they needed to find him as soon as possible or Even would probably hide somewhere and never find the strength to go home on his own.

_ Hide somewhere _ .

Finally, it clicks inside his mind. Of course Even had no business climbing on the roof, he probably didn't even know it was a possibility, since Mikael and Adam were the only ones who went there weeks ago to smoke. But at this very same party, Isak saw Jonas for the first time in months and Even took him somewhere else to hide.

In the kitchen's closet. In a fucking closet. To get away from the world. 

Isak can't believe it took him this long to figure it out.

"I know where he is," Isak says out loud, and then, not waiting for his friends to catch up on the information, he runs downstairs, pushing people on his way, until he reaches the kitchen.

It feels like a lifetime has passed since the last time he found himself in this room. By then, he had no idea he would fall in love with the boy who seemed to hate him. The boy he was trying to avoid, because he wasn't allowed to like him, because he wasn't  _ ready  _ to like him, too. But here he is now, and he regrets nothing.

Even is the best thing that has ever happened to him. He can see it more clearly now: everything, even the hurt and the guilt and the shame, has been worth it, for Even will always be more important than any of it.

Isak takes a deep breath, hoping with all his heart that he will find Even behind the door, and not only find him, but have him safe and sound. He puts his hand on the handle and opens it slightly, just enough for him to sneak his head inside, strangely scared of threatening Even by just opening the door wide and letting the rest of the world in. 

And finally, Isak finds him. Relief washes over him when he spots Even sitting on the floor, at the far back of the closet. It only lasts a second though, before he notices how folded on himself Even is, how small and insecure he looks when he's usually tall and confident.

"Isak? Is he here?!" Mikael calls after him, reminding Isak he isn't alone. 

He turns around to face the boys, but keeps the door half-closed, feeling like he must protect Even. "Yes. I will talk to him. Could you go check outside if his parents are here, please?" Isak asks, and they all nod without fighting him back on it, understanding. They walk away, Mikael squeezing his hand gently, a silent  _ I trust you,  _ before following the others outside.

Once they are all gone, Isak slips inside the closet and closes the door behind him. For a while, it's pitch dark, and he can barely see Even's shape in the back.

"Even," he whispers tentatively. "It's me, Isak. Can I get closer?"

He waits for an answer, but he meets only silence. As his eyes get used to the darkness, he can see how Even's head is resting on his crossed arms, on top of his knees, so he can't tell if Even is… awake and conscious. But his heart is telling him to stay focused, not to let his imagination run wide, so he keeps his calm and starts walking towards Even, as slow as possible just in case Even would ask him to stay away. Isak remembers the times his mother didn't want anyone to get close, so he understands.

"Even? Are you okay?"

Still nothing, so Isak decides to get on his knees and to crawl towards Even, until he's sitting beside him, their bodies almost touching. Carefully, Isak places his hand on Even's shoulder, and this time he gets a reaction, although not the one he's been hoping for, as Even's body folds in on himself even more. Isak pulls back his hand immediately. 

"Even, baby. Do you want to go home?" He tries again. Waits. "I'm sorry I've been so long." He pauses, thinking about his next words. He knows Even's troubles go beyond what they've been through together, but maybe he can still bring him comfort enough to convince him to follow, to leave this place and get him to his parents', where he will be safe. "I'm sorry I ran away from you. I'm sorry I didn't give us a proper chance, give  _ you _ the chance you deserved to show me we could work everything out together. I like you so much and I don't want to lose you. Would you let me make it up to you, somehow?"

For a long time, the closet remains silent, apart from the distant noise of the music coming from the party. Isak barely dares to breathe, waiting for, what it feels like an eternity, an answer from Even. Just a word. Or a sound. At least he could work with that.

Until, finally, Even's head shifts just a bit and Isak hears him murmur, "I think I'm losing my mind."

Isak can't help it, he has to take Even into his arms and hold him tight against his body, in a vain attempt at protecting him from the pain and the confusion. Thankfully, Even doesn't seem to mind, for he leans further into Isak's touch, until his head is falling in the crook of Isak's arm, almost cuddled against his chest. 

"It's gonna be okay," Isak promises him, and means it. If there is anything he can do to help him, anything, he will do it. A hundred times if he has to. "I will take you home and you will be fine, okay?"

Then he hears Even exhale, like maybe it's something he's been waiting to hear for a long time, and so Isak kisses his forehead, convincing himself perhaps it's possible he can take some of the ache away from Even's brain.

Isak has no idea how long they stay in this position. But at some point, the door of the closet opens, and he sees Even's parents, and right behind them, all of their friends. He stays focused on Even though, on making it as smooth as possible. 

"Are you ready to leave?" Isak whispers into Even's ear.

Slowly, Even's hand finds his, and then, a bit later, he agrees to stand up with Isak, following his every move on the way out. Soon they are surrounded by Even's parents as well as their friends, but also by their classmates and other strangers from the party, staring at them curiously. They don't let go of each other though, and this is Isak's turn to exhale.

Even is safe. Even is going to be okay.


	168. Chapter 168




	169. Chapter 169




	170. Chapter 170




	171. Chapter 171

Time flows differently when you're depressed, that much Even knew, but he's once again reminded of it.

The last thing he remembers is his parents telling Isak to spend the night, Isak being hesitant, his mother whispering to him "if you're worried about giving Even space, you can sleep in his bunk bed instead", and after that, nothing.

When he wakes up, he thinks it's morning and he's disappointed not to find Isak lying next to him. Maybe he slept in his bunk bed, but as he's listening to the silence of the bedroom, he hears no other breathing, so he concludes Isak must have left. Maybe he never spent the night after all.  _ Maybe he's scared of me _ . Then he checks his phone and realizes almost 24 hours are missing from his memory. Has he been sleeping the whole time?

Most likely. Definitely. He falls asleep again.

*

Later, he's woken up by voices. His friends' voices, to be more specific. He might be half comatose, but he's still alive enough to recognize Elias' voice ordering the others to "shut up the fuck, don't you see he's sleeping?" but actually being louder than any of them. 

"Hey, buddy, you're awake," Yousef whispers next to him. He's sitting on the edge of the bed.

Even hears him but can't come up with a single answer, not even a simple "hi" or "yes". Then someone is hugging him - Mutta, without a doubt.

"Mutasim Tatouti! You better get off him  _ now _ ," Elias whispers-yells.

Even falls asleep again.

*

Even doesn't know which day it is when he emerges again from his dreamless sleep. He feels tired, always tired, and time is a mystery to him. The curtains of his bedroom are always drawn, so it's hard to guess what time of the day it is.

"Hey, it's me again," he hears Mikael somewhere in his bedroom. Even doesn't remember him coming the first time, but he thinks he saw a message from him the last time he touched his phone, so maybe he came when Even has been out of it for almost a whole day.

"Is he awake?" Adam asks next.

This time, Even has enough energy to roll on his side and opens his eyes to look for them. He finds them both sitting on the floor. There is a deck of cards scattered on the floor. 

"Sorry for the mess, these idiots didn't clean up their mess earlier," Mik says, and Even wants to smile at the thought of Elias, Yousef and Mutta playing cards on his bedroom's floor while he's sleeping, but he's not exactly in the mood for it.

"It's fine," he manages to reply, though, and it feels like a victory even to him.

Adam moves to gather the cards, acting casual, but Mikael keeps staring at him, clearly looking for the right words to say, and Even starts to feel a bit ashamed, a bit uneasy, so he turns his back on him and falls back asleep.

*

The next time he wakes up, Even can tell it's the middle of the night by how much darker the room is. He feels a body pressing against his back, an arm flying over his waist to hug him. There is also a nose brushing the back of his neck, and fingers carding through his hair. Even feels warm for the first time since he ended up in this bed, and the beating of the heart against his back feels weirdly comforting. 

"Hey," Isak murmurs close to his ear. "Good morning."

"It's not morning," Even mumbles, and it makes Isak chuckle.

"No, you're right. I should say, good night."

They are silent for a while, breathing slowly, steadily. Even doesn't feel so tired anymore, and he doesn't want to fall back asleep, not when Isak is finally by his side. He's dreading waking up and finding him gone again. Maybe he shouldn't feel that way, but right now, Isak seems like the only person capable of bringing him some serenity.

"You were gone," Even points out after a while.

Isak shifts slightly behind him, pulling back his head from the nape of his neck. Thankfully, his arms stay locked around him. "Sorry. I had to go check on my mum."

Now Even feels bad for being so selfish. Isak has a whole life on his own, responsibilities and personal issues that aren't Even and he shouldn't be neglecting them to take care of a burden like him.

"No, I'm sorry. You shouldn't waste your time on me."

"I'm not wasting my time," Isak retorts immediately. "I want to be with you." A pause. "I missed you so much."

Even's heart squeezes inside his chest; the kind of sweet pain, of yearning he knows all too well. He missed him more than anything, too. 

"I feel like I owe you explanations for the past weeks but… Maybe now isn't the best time for it? Should I leave you alone?" Isak asks then.

"No, don't leave," is Even's first reaction and he grabs Isak's hand resting on his stomach to stop him. "Stay. If you want."

"I'm not going anywhere," Isak promises.

Now seems the right time for them to talk, Even decides. He wants things to be clear between them, no more lies, no more secrets. He still wants Isak as much as before everything got out of hand, but he wants them to be better, and the only way is for them to, finally, talk.

Even turns around so they can look in each other's eyes properly. Mimicking him, he slides an arm around Isak's body, drawing them closer, and then makes sure totangle their limbs together. Isak smiles at him then, before reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Even's ear. His fingers remain on his cheek after that, tracing invisible circles on his skin.

"It took me a long time to figure out why you sent me that message," Isak speaks again. Even knows right away what it is about: the stupid, impulsive break-up message he sent him the day after seeing Isak and Mikael kiss. He feels so foolish now, and he can't help but wonder what would have happened if he hadn't jumped to conclusions back then, or if, instead of running away, he had confronted Isak. "I didn't know you saw us."

"I'm sorry," Even sighs. "Mikael told me everything, eventually..."

Isak's surprise is clear on his face. Maybe he didn't have time to clear things up with Mikael with everything that happened. "You and Mikael talked?"

"Yeah. When you wouldn't answer to him, or anyone, Mikael asked to meet and we talked about everything. Well, almost everything. He didn't tell me why he kissed you in the first place, but I know you weren't really part of it."

"I wasn't, I was… I wasn't expecting it at all," Isak explains and he still looks completely taken aback at the memory. "But I didn't want to push him away in front of everybody. I didn't want to be harsh with him, he's my friend, I… I cared too much to hurt him. I did enough damage by lying to him, you know?"

"You're a good friend," Even says but Isak makes a face. "You are."

"I'm not. If you two talked, does it mean he told you why he's been avoiding you?" Even nods. "Then how can you say I'm a good friend? I knew how he felt about you and I still went behind his back."

"You're too hard on yourself. Mikael doesn't even care. If you talk to him, he will tell you himself. He isn't mad at you. He actually felt terrible for not speaking to you sooner, for letting you believe you were doing something bad and betraying him. He… He says he doesn't feel that way about me anymore. He hasn't been for a while. But I guess it's a talk you need to have with him." Even feels a bit breathless, and quite tired, by the time he's done speaking. But, almost as if he could feel it, Isak starts trailing his fingers up and down the side of his face, and it calms him down. He can't do anything against the way he feels right now, but at least Isak understands it.

"Maybe," Isak gives in eventually in a resigned sigh. "Jonas told me the same."

Even frowns, wondering if he's heard him right. "Jonas?"

"Oh, yeah… So the morning after the party, my father decided to take off, leaving my mother and I again. But the thing is, my mother is… She hears voices sometimes, she's being paranoid and can't tell what's real and what's not anymore. So after he left, it got even worse than before. And since I wasn't replying to anyone, Sana called Jonas. He showed up at my house and… We talked, finally. That's quite incredible how much talking help, hm?" Isak tries to joke and Even snorts. "Anyway. Jonas' mother knows what to do so she's helping me with my mother right now. We are going to try to find a way to make it work."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of this," Even mumbles. "I'm glad you had Jonas though." 

"That's okay. It's getting better now."

"And if you feel like I'm too much right now, you don't need to stay."

"Even," Isak groans. "I'm never leaving you again, understood?" Isak reels his body in closer then, his lips brushing his forehead. "I'm sorry if I made you think you weren't as important as Mikael or… Or anyone else, really. Because you are. I meant what I said in my messages, I wasn't trying to manipulate you. I was so caught up in my guilt and my shame from what happened back at Nissen, what I did to Jonas and Eva, that I convinced myself not repeating the same kind of mistakes with Mikael was absolutely necessary, but it wasn't the same, and it didn't mean I had to neglect you either. It was so selfish of me and I apologize to you. I promise you, I'm planning to make you my number one priority. Not because I feel like I have to but because I want to. Because I want to move on from the past for good. Because I lov-"

Isak stops abruptly, and even in the obscurity of the room, Even can tell he's turning crimson.  _ This boy _ . And what else is Even supposed to do when Isak is saying such beautiful things to him, what else, except leaning over him and capturing his lips, tasting him for the first time in what feels like eternity. Isak sighs and kisses him back, delicate and gentle, although his grip on his hips turns more desperate, holding on to him to never let him go.

"I don't need to be your number one priority.  _ You  _ should be your number one priority," Even finds the will-power to tell him when his lips start to feel sore and his mind foggy, sleepy. "But let's make a deal."

"A deal?"

"No more lies, no more secrets. And we always talk. Seems fair?"

Isak nods, like he understands, like he agrees. Which Even knows, he does. "Yes. Okay. I promise."

"And I promise, too."

Not so long after, Even falls back asleep, but he's in Isak's arms, and he isn't scared anymore, because he knows that whether Isak is here or not next time he wakes up, he will always come back to him.


	172. Chapter 172




	173. Chapter 173




	174. Chapter 174




	175. Chapter 175




	176. Chapter 176




	177. Chapter 177




	178. Chapter 178

Four months ago, Even found himself lying in bed with Sonja watching over him. Back then, he was depressed too, but no one except his parents and her knew about it - she's the one who suggested he could lie about it and say he had the flu, and he liked the idea, because he wasn't planning on telling the boys about it. Maybe, under different circumstances, he would have told Mikael, but his best friend was avoiding him, so it was out of the question.

Four months later, some things are the same, like the feeling of emptiness, the weight on his body keeping him in bed, the inexplicable exhaustion, and the dark thoughts clouding his mind when no one is there to scare them off. But most things are different, the most important chance being that the shame doesn't trap him into silence so much anymore, because his parents seem less afraid, his friends visit him every now and then, Mikael more than anyone else, and Isak is there at night to protect him from the darkness. 

Although, today, he feels like he's reliving a flashback, with Sonja sitting next to him, asking him dozens of questions about his condition, his meds, his thoughts. Even is glad he managed to move to the couch of the living-room so he can sit in silence and not lie helplessly in his bed. He knows it's best to let her speak because that's her way to deal with things she can't control - asking questions until, maybe, someone gives her the answers.

When she realizes what she's been doing, she stops in the middle of her sentence, blushes slightly from embarrassment, and mutters, "sorry. I swear I didn't come to lecture you."

"Really?" Even replies, but he forces a smile, to show her he's teasing her more than anything. 

It doesn't make him angry anymore, this is the truth. Because things are different, he also sees things differently. He knows she never meant to hurt him, to make him feel worthless and unreliable: she was only trying to find a way to cope with something she didn't understand and couldn't fix for him. And in his own confusion and frustration, he also knows he hasn't been the best version of himself with her. He hurt her, too. 

"Shut up," she huffs before smiling at him. Shy, the way he doesn't remember her being around him.

"Thank you for coming though," Even says softly. After everything that happened between them, he's almost admirative of her lack of resentment for him.

"Of course. It's not because we are… I mean, I still care about you," she admits but looking away from him. 

"I care about you, too, Sonja. I always will." 

Even can't help but think, if she really was the manipulative, controlling person he's convinced himself she was by the end of their relationship, she wouldn't have contacted Isak that night. She would have kept the information to herself and found him herself. She would have left Isak and the others in the dark, out of pettiness. But she didn't. Because she cares more about his well-being than having a hold on him. She knew Isak would be the person he would want to see, and she did what she could to make it happen. 

So, "and thank you so much for telling Isak where to find me. You didn't have to, but you did, so… Thank you. I don't even know how to make it up to you for how shitty I've been with you."

"Just don't be a stranger," Sonja retorts, and when their eyes meet, Even can see she means it,  _ don't let us become strangers, that's all I care about: the future, not the past _ , and he agrees. 

"Deal."


	179. Chapter 179

Isak feels nervous waiting for Mikael outside Bakka. He knows he shouldn't be, considering everything he's been hiding from him is no longer a secret and Mikael already told him he didn't care. Still, it's stronger than him.

Part of him is also scared to see if everything that happened the past few weeks made them drift apart. Will they ever be friends the way they used to be? Their easy complicity, their comfortable proximity… Is it lost for good? He hopes they can rebuild their friendship on more healthy ground, but without losing all the precious things they knew how to share together.

The uncertainty doesn't last for long though. Soon, Isak sees Mikael walking in the schoolyard, looking around him, and once he spotted Isak, he runs to him like a man on a mission before crushing him into one of his signature hugs. 

"Issy! My dear! My beloved! You've been away from me for too long!"

Isak rolls his eyes at his dramatics but indulges himself into the familiar affection. He missed it and above all, he missed his friend.

"Ugh, I can't breathe, get off me," Isak protests weakly. Which only results in Mikael stepping away with a smug grin to toustle his hair. "Jerk."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me."

So, Isak feels relieved. It seems like nothing changed between them. Mikael still loves teasing him and acting borderline flirty with him while Isak pretends to be annoyed at everything he does and says.

After that, they decide to walk to the nearest park, leaving behind them all prying ears and eyes. On the way, Mikael is chatty: he talks about his final exams, the video project he handed in for the film school he would like to join next year, the fact that he was supposed to start working out with Adam but instead they spent their afternoon eating junk food, the new pizza place he tried with Adam last week, and the YouTube channel of a guy who does Parkour he showed Adam recently.

Honestly, Isak knows he should have guessed it a very long time ago, but not even Mikael's rant has been enough to make him see things more clearly. Hence his confusion and then surprise after Mikael decided to spell it out for him.

"So, I don't know if you had suspicions already but… I've been seeing someone," Mikael tells him, turning much more serious all of sudden. "It's been going on for weeks now."

"Weeks?!" Isak repeats. How did he not notice? Or did he? Is it the reason why Mikael was acting weird all this time and it had nothing to do with Isak having secrets?

"Yeah… And you know him."

"What?" Isak stares at his friend, incredulous. Their eyes meet, and Isak doesn't know what to say, he really didn't see it coming. 

Mikael huffs, then breaks into a smile. "You really don't know? It's Adam. We had a thing for almost three months now. Pretty much since Elias' birthday party, actually."

"Three months?! But…  _ How _ ? I thought you were into Even. I thought…"

Mikael winces, looking guilty. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I really was into Even, for a long time. And then… Then I had this moment with Adam on the roof and we started hanging out together from time to time, just the two of us, and then we kissed, and it felt so natural, you know? Like it was meant to be. I didn't question it. And all of sudden I didn't feel anything for Even anymore, just guilt and regret for neglecting him over feelings that went away on their own, you know?"

Isak nods, taking the information in. He's trying to connect the dots, to detect all the hints he didn't see, and the more he thinks about it, the more obvious it appears to him Mikael and Adam have been doing their own thing more than once. But he doesn't think anyone noticed, not him, and not the boys. One detail is bothering him though, and he can't find a proper explanation… 

"But… You kissed me. Why did you kiss me if you were dating Adam?" Mikael clears his throat, embarrassed. "Wait. Adam was making out with this girl that night! Why?!"

"Yeah, about that…" Mikael mutters. "Huge misunderstanding. We didn't talk about what we were. We weren't officially dating or anything. I was still too scared to come out. Adam acted all chill and relaxed. I felt like a loser. But I also felt like he wasn't serious about all of it, you know? Like it was a fun time making out with a friend and that's it. So when a few days before Anine's party he asked what the two of us were, I panicked, and I told him what I thought he wanted to hear: that it was nothing serious, we were just friends who liked to kiss or whatever. I was too scared he would end it if he figured out my feelings for him that I didn't notice that's not the answer he was hoping for. And of course we didn't talk about it after that. So when Anine spent the night hitting on him, he thought "well why not?". He hooked up with her, I felt miserable, so I got wasted and then kissed you, hoping to… Well, make him jealous?"

"Mik," Isak whispers. Everything makes so much more sense now. He really had no clue.

"I know, I'm so sorry I used you and kissed you in front of the whole school. I'm the worst," Mikael groans. 

Honestly, Isak doesn't feel any anger. It already feels like it happened years ago and he's over it. Mikael didn't mean to out him, just like he didn't mean to out himself either. It simply turned out that way, with unexpected consequences, like, sadly, hurting Even. But it's all over now, and the best thing they can do is to move on.

"It's okay, Mik. I'm not mad. I've been hiding a relationship with Even to you for months, too, so… I think we both fucked up," Isak smiles gently at him, brushing his friend's arm to reassure him. 

"I guess…"

"So what happened after the party? With Adam? I know I've been oblivious but I'm pretty sure you two still get along perfectly. You visited Even together the other day," Isak points out.

"Oh yeah," Mikael nods with a slight blush. "I was going to meet Adam when I left your place early the next morning. We finally talked. I was a mess but Adam is the least resentful person ever so it went well. He was only mad about the kiss because he knew Even and you were secretly dating and he was convinced I knew too. And he wasn't even mad, just… Confused. Anyway, after that, we admitted we liked each other a lot and we decided to make it official. We still haven't told anyone though, you're the first person to know. I need to tell Even too, once he feels better. And then the boys."

"Wow. You had this whole epic love story going on and I didn't see shit," Isak chuckles.

"To be fair, you had your own epic love story to keep you busy so…"

They both laugh, relieved. No more lies. No more secrets. It really is over now, and it can only get better.

"So I guess now we should learn from our mistakes and promise not to lie to each other ever again, is that it?" Mikael asks, grinning.

"I don't know. You're the movie nerd. What happens in movies?"

Mikael pretends to think, fingers brushing his chin. "Hm… I think they hug and then everything is fixed. Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Well… If we really have to…" Isak mumbles, but he's smiling, too happy he won't lose Mikael, not today, and hopefully not ever.

And this time, Isak is the one wrapping his arms around his friend and holding him tight, so everything is fixed. Just like in movies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo... I don't know if Mikael's revelation came out as a surprise to you? But it did to lots of people when I first posted it on Twitter so I wrote a whole thread back then to show where I left (many!) hints regarding Mikael x Adam throughout the story. Would you be interested in me posting it at the end of this AU? :)


	180. Chapter 180




	181. Chapter 181




	182. Chapter 182

Even is sitting on his folded sofa bed when Isak arrives. Lately, he's been coming so often that Even's parents started leaving the front door open for him at all times and Isak has to admit he likes the idea of being some kind of part of Even's family life. It makes him feel like he belongs with them.

"Halla," Even greets him with a gentle smile, looking extra soft in his sweatpants and his… Isak's grey sweatshirt. 

"Hi," Isak replies, putting down his backpack before joining Even, who welcomes him with a quick but effective kiss on the lips. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Even says after a while, grabbing Isak's hand to play with his fingers. "For today I least. Tomorrow… I have no idea."

"Let's take it a day at the time," Isak offers. He knows part of Even feels guilty for the inconsistency of his illness, for the unpredictable ups and downs. But Isak is determined to show him it's nothing they can't deal with together.

Even smiles at him, not wide and bright like he does when he's joking around, no; it's the fond, secretive smile Isak has never seen on him before they started seeing each other. So he likes to think it's only for him. 

Soon, they are wrapping their arms around each other and lying down on the couch, far too small for the two of them, but they make it work, hugging tight, Even on his back, Isak mostly settled on top of him to keep him grounded. For a while they don't talk, or just not with words, exchanging glances and smiles and drawing patterns on each other's back or arms, brushing their noses together, stealing kisses, sometimes slow and delicate, other times deep and consuming. 

Depending on how Even felt, they've been sharing that kind of intimacy for days now, but Isak still feels like it's the first time every single time, butterflies in his stomach, cheeks crimson, giddy from being allowed to kiss Even without having to feel guilty about it. It's like what happened between them before the truth came out belongs to another life, and now they are starting over, and he's discovering what it's like to be with Even all over again.

He's been given a second chance with Even and he knows he's lucky, for few people have the chance to try a second time in their life, so he won't ruin it this time. He will make it work and he will treat Even the way he should have from the start.

"Hey?" Isak whispers from under Even's chin. 

"Hm?"

Isak rises again to lean over him, bodies intertwined and green eyes meeting blue irises. 

"I love you."

Even's eyes widen for a second and Isak feels Even's hands on him holding him a little tighter, something between genuine surprise and a possessive rush of affection.

"What?"

Isak chuckles and presses his lips against Even's mouth to repeat, "I love you, silly."

Even looks just as taken aback as the first time and Isak can't hold back a chuckle.  _ This boy _ . He has no idea how much he means it.

"Why are you so surprised? I'm so whipped even my mom asks every night why I'm grinning like a dork when I come back from yours."

Even shrugs, his eyes never leaving Isak, like he can't believe he's real. His brain must be a whirlwind of thoughts but eventually, Isak sees him nod to himself, then breaking into a smirk, "did you tell her it's because of your boyfriend?"

Isak huffs but the truth is, he knows he's blushing and he's the one being positively surprised now. "Boyfriend? Oh, really?"

"Well, yeah. You're mine now," Even nods, leaning to brush their lips together, the tip of his tongue coming to tease Isak's Cupid bow.

"That's cheating," Isak mutters, more out of stubborn pride than anything. Yes, he's a dork and he's weak for Even. And yes, he wants nothing more than being his boyfriend. Why is he even trying to fight it? 

Even laughs. "You think there are rules here?" This time, he captures Isak's lips and kisses him like a man on a mission, coaxing his mouth open with his tongue until Isak is turning pliant between his hands, against his mouth. "I love you. Be my boyfriend."

After that, they can't even kiss properly because they are both smiling too wide. "Fine!" Isak sighs, faking annoyance because he's still stubborn, and if his body is going to betray him in every way that's humanly possible then at least he's going to pretend with words. "It sounds so middle school. You're the real dork!"

"Don't act like you didn't fall for me for that exact reason."

_ True _ . "Not true."

"You're such a shit liar," Even laughs, squeezing his hip playfully to make Isak yelp at him, then trying to move them so he's the one hovering over Isak but the couch is too small and Isak is dangerously on the edge of falling.

"Don't drop me!"

"That would be very unboyfriend of me, boyfriend."

"Ugh, stop it!"

In the end, they both end up on the floor, but it doesn't stop them from cuddling and making out until they hear Even's parents come home.


	183. Chapter 183




	184. Chapter 184




	185. Chapter 185




	186. Chapter 186




	187. Chapter 187




	188. Chapter 188

It takes five defeats on Fifa for Mikael to give in and then proceed to throw himself on the floor, dramatic as always.

"I hate it," he whines like a kid. "Can we play at something else?"

Even chuckles, joining his friend on the carpet. "But Mik… You suck at every game."

"How dare you!" Mikael extends his arm and pushes his shoulder playfully, making Even laugh even harder. It feels good to have fun again with his best friend, to fall back into easy teasing and comfortable habits. "I have an idea! Let's play 'two truths and one lie'!"

"Mik, I know everything about you. What's the point?"

"Don't be so confident, I'm sure I can surprise you," Mikael states, sounding so final that Even gets curious.

"Fine. You first then."

Even is expecting Mikael to make a whole show of it, to roll around, sit down and imitate Rodin's The Thinker, or to start taping on the table to create drums-like suspense; but instead, he lies there in silence, his face serious as he stares at the ceiling. When he speaks again, it's slow and careful. "I'm straight."

Even freezes. Months ago, he would have called "truth" without any sort of hesitation, but now, he knows better. Mikael has been not-straight enough to have a crush on him once upon a time, and although Mikael didn't put a name on what he is or isn't, Even thinks it's not rude of him to assume that this is the... "lie".

Mikael doesn't react and keeps on going, "I think I'm into guys and like… exclusively," and then he adds before Even can tell him it's okay, "I'm also dating Adam."

"You- what?"

This isn't Even's proudest moment, he wishes he could have stayed chill and detached but this one, he didn't see it coming at all. Mikael and Adam have always got along in a more particular way than the rest of the boys, but Even never thought much of it. But the more he thinks about the last few months, the more Mikael's truth is starting to make sense. How many times did Mikael and Adam never show up when they were all hanging out together for unknown reasons? Or how many times did they disappear but they all assumed they both left for different unrelated motives? He's really been too absorbed by his own issues to notice what's been going on in the background of his life between two of his friends… 

Thankfully, it makes Mikael smile. "Yup. And we are starting to tell people so…" He trails off.

"I'm proud of you, Mik," Even says kindly, reaching out to him to take his hand and squeeze it, to mark his own words.

"Are you?" Mikael asks in a small voice, his dark eyes looking back at him with a vulnerability Even has rarely seen on his best friend before.

"Of course I am." 

They fall silent again, but it's neither heavy nor awkward. Even really wants to put behind us the past few months, and so he thinks he could use their little game to share some secret thoughts, too. 

"Alright, my turn," Even speaks again and he sees Mikael looking back at him, waiting for his next words. "I'm not scared of what it means to have to spend the rest of my life with this… Monster, hiding somewhere in my brain, ready to fuck up my life at any moment." Mikael rolls on his side towards him and this time, he's the one holding his hand in comfort. "I don't feel like a loser either for having to repeat my third year because, even if no one is talking about it, I know I missed all our important exams and I'm nowhere near ready to face Bakka again…" Even pauses and takes a deep breath. "I love Isak so much but I'm scared to be a burden for him, to hold him back."

"Even," Mikael sighs, brushing his hand along his arm. "First, these were two lies and one truth," he tries to joke and Even cracks a smile.

"Shut up."

"Also… You're the strongest and most resilient person I know. You will learn how to tame the monster, okay?" Even snorts but nods anyway. Mikael is very good at it. "Because you won't be alone to do it, the same way you won't be alone at Bakka: Isak will be there. Isak will always be there. You're not a burden, you're not holding him back, you're making him the happiest I've ever seen him. This boy arrived at Bakka looking lost and miserable, and look at him now! Grinning like a dork, making heart eyes at you, more and more out and proud and in love every day! I think you should trust yourself with him, because I know for a fact he has no doubt about you."

Well, fuck. What is Even supposed to answer this? His heart feels so full from Mikael's words, from his faith in him and from the hope he's sowing inside his chest. Could it be true? Is he strong enough to not only fight back the beast but take control of it? Is he brave enough to get his life back on track? Is he determined enough to get rid of his fears and trust Isak fully with his own heart?

That last part, he knows he's jumped into it already. His heart belongs to Isak and he's ready to trust him blindly with it. In return, he promises himself he will take care of Isak's heart just as carefully and lovingly as he knows Isak will.

"Okay," Even says, "okay. I think you win."

Mikael chuckles, but he's shaking his head slowly. "No. Look at us! I think  _ we _ are both winning." 

And Even likes the sound of that.


	189. Chapter 189




	190. Chapter 190




	191. Chapter 191




	192. Chapter 192




	193. Chapter 193

It's warm and sunny, the perfect weather to gather in Elias' garden to play Kubb in the grass. They are playing in groups of two: Elias, the most competitive, and Yousef, the only one who can put up with him, Mikael and Adam, the worst at this game, Even and Mutta, clumsy but lucky enough to pull great moves from time to time, and Isak and Jonas, with secret strategies born from years of experience together.

Isak had lunch with Jonas before joining the boys, and all of them welcomed his best friend like he's already one of them. Isak wasn't exactly worried in the first place but when the moment came to officially introduce Even as his boyfriend, he couldn't help but think that a few months ago, he would have never imagined he would be standing between his best friend and the man of his dreams, out and proud and unapologetic about who he is and who he loves.

It's the nicest feeling, honestly.

"Of course you're Even," Jonas commented when he shaked hands with him, smirking at Even and then Isak.  _ Good job _ , he seemed to be telling him with a raise of one of his eyebrows.

"Yup. I guess that's me," Even chuckled, leaning to kiss Isak on the top of his head.

"Yo! Even! Stop flirting and bring your ass here, we are in the middle of a tournament!" Elias started yelling from across the garden. When it comes to winning, he's truly a nightmare. 

So their introduction has been short but Isak is pleasantly surprised to see they spend most of the game getting to know each other, as if acting on an unspoken agreement that they need to do it for him.

Isak likes every second of it. Especially when Even and Jonas start laughing together, seemingly getting along more than he's been hoping for.

From time to time, they tease each other, too, like when Even sneak behind Isak, wrap an arm around his waist and press his body against his back, kissing his cheek and calling him names like "baby" or "sweetheart" to make him blush, to distract him from the game. Obviously, Isak knows what he's doing but can't find it in him to fight him back, not until Jonas starts complaining, crying at Even, "get your hands off my best friend, that's cheating! You know he can't resist you, look at him!", making Even burst out laughing as he let go, only to come back seconds later to steal a kiss from Isak's lips.

Eventually, Mikael comes to Even's defence, because he's still bitter over losing against Isak at Fifa so many times a few days ago. 

"But Mik, it's not my fault you suck!" Isak argues.

"Take it back! Adam, say something!"

So Adam huffs and smirks and ends up taking Isak's and Jonas' side for the sake of pissing his secret boyfriend off. Soon enough, they stop caring about the game, and after being yelled at by Elias as if they were students and he was their teacher, they give up on the game and lie down in the grass, sipping on their fresh drinks, music playing in the background.

"Thank you for inviting me," Jonas tells him when all the boys are too busy talking to eavesdrop on them. "I missed spending time with you. I missed you. And I like your friends, they are really cool. Especially your boyfriend," he winks at him.

Isak knows he's smiling like a dork again but he's too happy not to. "Thank you… It's good to have you back. I missed you, too."

Jonas squeezes his shoulder before speaking again. "Guess what? Eva messaged me about you. She's asking how you're doing."

"Oh…" Isak whispers. Why would Eva ask about him? He betrayed her, too, and never apologized to her. "Is she… Is she still mad at me?"

"Eva? No, she's over it. It happened months ago, you know. I think she would like to see you someday, whenever you feel like it." 

Jonas sounds so casual about it, so relaxed, that Isak is tempted to say yes. "I guess I will think about it, maybe call her or something…"

"Yeah, that's chill. Take your time." Jonas shrugs.

"Are you two… Back together?" Isak dares to ask. He's been curious about it for a long time but never felt like it was his right to know.

"Nah… She's been hooking up with Penetrator Chris apparently," Jonas chuckles.

"Are you kidding me?!" And they both laugh at the absurdity of it.

It's so easy to forget that the world keeps spinning and people carry on with their lives, with or without him. Eva is hooking up with the same guy she cheated on Jonas and it's just a funny story for them, no big deal. She moved on from the drama and so did Jonas, the two of them are on friendly terms now, and according to Jonas, Eva doesn't even want Isak's head anymore. Maybe Nissen barely remembers what he did either. Maybe that's why they say when you're young, you're allowed to make mistakes: somehow, people move on, people forget, and it's almost like nothing ever happened.

Almost.

Later, Even finds him and they move away from the group to find some peace and quiet, lying side by side, Isak's head cuddled on Even's arm while Even picks up daisies and dandelions to slide among Isak's curls, despite his (weak) objections. 

That's when Isak realizes it's the perfect time to talk to Even.

"I've had an idea," he says and Even hums, relaxed. He's been feeling much better the past few days, his episode fading away completely. "I know you're anxious about… About next year."

Even's hand stops its movement and their eyes meet. Even seems to be considering whether or not to avoid the conversation, but eventually, he nods at Isak to keep going.

"What if you didn't have to go back to Bakka?"

Even frowns, puzzled. "What do you mean? Not repeat my third year?"

"No, I meant, repeat it somewhere else. Somewhere  _ I know _ very well."

"You… Are you talking about Nissen?" Isak nods. "But… I would rather stay at Bakka and be with you than repeat my year somewhere else, alone, as the weird newbie," Even protests.

"Who said I wouldn't come with you? We are staying together no matter what, baby," Isak smiles, brushing his fingers along Even's jaw. "What do you think?"

"You want us to transfer to Nissen," Even clarifies, speaking to himself more than asking for Isak's confirmation. "But… You left Nissen for a reason. It's been terrible for you. Why would you go back there? You don't need to do it for me, Isak."

"It's different now. I'm not scared anymore, I know- no, actually, I  _ want _ to face my mistakes. I want to be with my best friend for the two years I have left. I want to be with the friends I left behind. And I also want you to have what I had when I arrived at Bakka."

"Which is?"

"A second chance. A clean slate. If that's what you want."

Even is lost in thoughts for a while, so Isak waits patiently. He doesn't need to take a decision right this second, actually. They have months to take action, months during which Isak will need to swallow his pride and potentially beg his father to make him switch school  _ again _ , but after what happened, he knows he has enough leverage to make him do it. And sure, he misses Jonas, even his friend Magnus whom he hasn't spoken to in months, and he likes the idea of sharing science classes with Sana to (try to) beat her, and he would love to work on rebuilding his friendship with Eva… But in the end, he wants it to be Even's decision. 

"Okay," Even nods, his smile coming back slowly, maybe in response to Isak's grin. 

"Really?"

"Yes. I think it's a great idea. I never wanted to go back to Bakka, so why not?"

Now they both look excited at the idea: Even, at starting over somewhere else; Isak, at having the opportunity to show Nissen who he really is, with his friends and his boyfriend by his side.

Even leans over him and kisses him, a beautiful mess of giggles and smiles and lips failing to meet properly. They are happy, Isak thinks. And if everything goes as planned, there is no reason they won't stay happy for a very long time.

And not so many people can have that kind of certitude in their lives, he knows as much.

"What is going on now?!" Someone suddenly exclaims behind them.

They pull apart and glance at their friends, to find Mikael and Adam on top of each other, faces flushed, looking like they've been caught making out or something.

"Even and Isak, and now you two!" Elias groans. So maybe Mikael and Adam did get caught making out, and judging by the way they are smirking at Elias, it was on purpose. 

"Surprise?" Adam jokes.

"What happened?" Mutta interrupts, looking around him, seemingly oblivious to the situation. 

"Oh, yeah, we forgot to tell you," Mikael says, casual on purpose. He pauses, sharing a knowing look with Even and then Isak, before looking back at the boys - Elias, eyes wide, Yousef, holding back a laugh, Mutasim, properly confused. In the middle of this theatrical coming out, Jonas follows the scene with obvious amusement. "Adam and I are a thing."

"A thing?" 

"Yeah. Boyfriends. Dating. You know?"

Elias looks on the edge of a mental breakdown. If Yousef doesn't seem very surprised and Mutta doesn't care enough about that stuff to pay attention, Elias clearly didn't see it coming. "Are you two going to tell me you've been banging too?!" He points at Yousef and Mutta.

"Nah, Yousef is into your sister," Adam rectifies.

" _ What _ ?!"

They all break into a fit of laughter.

Again, Isak feels confident: they are going to be happy for a long time, all of them, together.


	194. Chapter 194

_**EPILOGUE** _


	195. Chapter 195

_**EPILOGUE** _


	196. Chapter 196

_**EPILOGUE - THE END** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voilà ! 
> 
> Thank you for following this 5th AU repost of mine! Right before Christmas day, I guess it's pretty perfect. What did you think of it?
> 
> I'm currently writing (albeit slowly...) a new AU, you can find it in my social media AU series as usual. 
> 
> Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it. And happy new year in advance. ❤️


	197. Chapter 197

**Mikael and Adam background secret love story - all the hints you missed (or not) in the AU 😘**

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69036021) It was the first hint: Even mentions Isak, Mikael and Adam disappearing together but then next time he sees Isak he's alone. Where are Mikael and Adam?

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69036120#workskin) Answer, here! Mikael and Adam were smoking on the roof (their first real "moment" together according to Mik). Not exactly a hint but, yeah, you can see it was planned all along.

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69083202) Later in the story, Isak is looking for Mikael who is nowhere to be found. Knowing what you know now, you can deduce Mikael was with Adam (and that's the only reason Mikael wouldn't check his phone and run to Isak right away).

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69083346) Following the same event, Even mentions how weird it is that Mikael didn't check his phone. He says it as a joke but it's also true (the boys mentioned quite often how Mikael is always on his phone). Of course, he was busy with Adam!

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69083574) A bit later again, Elias is complaining that Isak, Mikael and Adam are texting under the table. Elias thinks Isak and Mikael are s*xting. 🤡 But we know Isak is actually talking to Even so... it leaves us with Mikael-Adam texting.

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69083616) In this scene, look who are missing! Mikael and Adam 😌

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69143835) There, Isak thought Mikael was acting weird... and the truth is, Mik wasn't suspicious; he was weird because he felt guilty about not telling Isak about Adam. And if he reacted to the phone ring ("is it yours?"), it's because, the same way Isak thought Even was texting him, Mikael wondered if he got a message from Adam but didn't dare to check in front of Isak.

Also, side note about this: Mikael saying he would maybe mind if Even got back with Sonja is written in a way that you can interpret it in many ways. By then, Isak doesn't know that Mikael doesn't have feelings for Even anymore. In reality, Mik meant he would mind but more like "I know Even isn't happy with Sonja so I would mind if he got back with her again". But not in a jealous way.

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69143934) Adam correcting Elias with "* or a hot dude" is him taking Even's sexuality into consideration, ofc, but I also meant it as a small hint he knows better than anyone than you can look for a hot dude too. (I decided Adam is bi.)

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69144474) If you reread the convo maybe you can notice Mikael seems a bit... sarcastic, I guess? Or like, slightly annoyed at the boys mentioning Adam and Anine together.

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69144564) So this whole part is obviously Isak's pov of what Mikael explained to him in the recent updates: Adam hooking up with the girl, Mikael getting wasted because he's hurt and jealous and all.

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69144582) The morning after. Mikael clearly says he was upset about something and he's not into Isak. He left because he needed to think and we now know he was rushing to meet Adam and explain what happened.

[LINK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955721/chapters/69217188) When the whole school hears about Isak and Mikael kissing. At the end, did you notice Adam telling Mikael to pick up the phone? 😉 He wanted to make sure his boyfriend was okay.

And I think it was all of it. What do you think now?


End file.
